Facing my demons
by AnnaLara
Summary: Donatello is abducted by a dangerous man. For 12 days he is subjected to torture and rape. But even after he is rescued by his brothers, Donatello is too ashamed of his experience and is unable to explain his behaviour and ill health to his family. But upon finding out Donatello's dark and painful secret, the turtles are thrown into a difficult dilemma between Justice and revange
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Imprisoned

Donnie POV

I had a life before this. Compare to what most people would consider to be "normal," mine was far from that. In fact you could call it a _very_ strange life indeed. Often it was filled with violence, monsters, aliens, a lot of uncertainty whether we would even see tomorrow and sometimes there was pain. But I would give anything to have that life back right now, because even though there was a lot of bad, the good outweighed it. No contest, because I always had love from three unique brothers. All special in their own way. Although we were all very different from the rest of the normal world, we were a unit. We completed one another and always had each other's shells. I had a father too. He taught us everything we knew. How to fight and defend the weaker. That love and honour came above all else. I know this all sounds very corny but I guess when I found myself lost in the darkest and probably the last place I will ever be, I can't help but try to cling onto the good things. I remember always thinking although we were alone and unknown to _most_ of the world, it was still an extraordinary life and I loved every moment of it. But now I barely remember how I was before. My life before now was slowly been drained away from me as though it had all just been an exciting dream and _this,_ this was all I was now. A pathetic empty shell of my former self laid here on the ground sobbing hysterically. I had been crying almost non-stop for many days, because I knew _he _would come back soon. He would leave the room when he was done with me, clean himself up, doing god knows what and then he would come back. He would _always_ come back for me, once again ripping my insides apart, and to once again destroy everything I was. I was shaking in fear. Blood was splattered all over my lower body and plastron. And it was still dripping...From between my legs. The pain was unbearable.

I could feel the blood dry on my skin, and fresh keeping to flow. I had thrown up a few times, I had been so disgusted. I still was. Why was he doing this? Why was he doing this to me? Me, a fifteen year old, mutated turtle. What is there that would make a human feel enjoyment of...raping a turtle? What did I ever do to deserve this? This torture? This torment that makes me want to die. Never have I felt such pain in my entire life.

I had begged him to stop. But he would only say he would stop if I begged him to kill me. But I never did. I didn't want to die, at least not yet. And so he kept going, like some kind of doll to play his sick games with, for twelve days. Twelve days! Every day the same thing. Every time just as painful, every time just as horrible and tormenting as the last.

Nothing anyone could have done to me could have been worse than this. Nothing. He has successfully destroyed me. Broken me into tiny pieces. And not just my body. My heart, my mind, my soul. Everything I was, just taken away, leaving this broken shadow that had once had been me. Only twelve days ago this crying and sobbing wreck on the floor had been me. It had gone so fast and yet so slow. Every minute seemed like a lifetime.

My body doesn't belong to me anymore. This sick man who has repeatedly been abusing it now owns it.

I was so hungry, he had barely been feeding me. He has only fed me enough so I would survive. If I died he would lose his little toy... My body was covered in vomit and blood. I wanted nothing more than to wash all these disgusting liquids off my body. But I was locked in this room, chained to the floor by my wrists. The door flew open, making me jump, my skin crawl, and my blood freeze in my veins.

"Morning my little bitch, day number twelve" the man of my nightmares had short black hair, eyes as green as my brothers Raphael's, only with an evil spark that Raphael doesn't have. "Excited?"

I shook my head in fear. Why? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this? I can't let him touch me again!

"No! Stay away from me! I will not let you do this to me again! Please! I don't want to do this anymore! Please! Let me go! Let me go home!" I cried, I don't want him to touch me again!

"Sorry bitch, I have other plans for you" he said, smiling in a sadistic way that made me sick. He walked towards me and sat down in front of me, grabbing my face with his hands. I jerked away from him, crawling backwards as far as the chains would allow me to. He came up close to me again and I struggled against the chains, only to cut my wrists on the metal.

"Don't run from me, bitch, you'll only hurt yourself" he said, his face just a few inches away from mine. I shut my eyes tightly.

"You're going to hurt me again! Stay away from me!" I tried to pull away from him but he was to strong.

"If you are going to insult me, I don't want your voice in the game when we play bitch." He hissed.

He pulled into a kiss, exploring my mouth with his dirty tongue. I tried to pull away, to somehow get his tongue out of my mouth, to make him leave me alone.

He has already broken me and abused me both physically and mentally! What more does he want? I can't believe he really plays with my like I was some kind of toy... Some kind of sex toy... why? How? How can he find enjoyment in THIS?

I feel him pull away, and thank god for that. But something else gets shoved into my mouth. Something round... Two leather straps are connected to it and I feel him pulling them around my head. Locking them at the back of it. Now I realize what it is. A gag. A ball gag. No way... Is he really...This cruel? I scream and yell in panic, but only muffled cries comes out. I hate this. I hate this place. I hate this man. I hate myself.

"Do you like it, bitch?" He asked me, I just shut my eyes and made myself as small as possible. Wanting nothing more than to disappear.

"Oh, I know you like it you dirty little bitch" he says, and unchains me. He pushed hard against my plastron, forcing me to lie down on the ground. He locks my wrist with leather straps attached to the floor. I know that at this point there is not anything I can do to stop him from touching me. I can only cry and accept this cruel abuse. I know what is going to happen. I feel my saliva running down my chin, the gag is keeping my mouth wide open there is no way to swallow it.

"You look great in that bitch! I like you much better voiceless" he smiles in a sickening way and plays around with the straps around my head. "I think I will keep it on you, you look good with it."

And that was the moment I truly gave up. The moment all hope died. The moment I gave up on ever getting out of this hell. The moment I realized that I probably would be this man's little toy for the rest of my life. Somewhere inside me a dam broke and I started crying hysterically, I was shaking, trying to scream through the gag, tears running down my face. I could barely breathe between my sobs and cries.

"Don't be a cry baby, I know you like it when I fuck you, I know you do" he said and smiled again. "A freak with no saying in any matter. A whore and a slut that is what you are! It's your own fault you are here."

He grabbed a hold of my ankles and forced my legs far apart. It didn't matter how much I struggled, he was to strong. And I was weak after nearly two weeks without barely any food, sexual abuse many times a day and no movement at all. He chained my feet to the ground as well, and sat down right between my legs, and started playing with my tail. I winced and looked away. I didn't want to look at him, i didn't want to watch when he... He had made me watch a few times, and I will never forget those images. Even if I ever get out of here, they will still haunt me. I will never be able to forget what this man has made me do, see and feel.

The only warning I get is when I hear him unzip his pants before he rams into me, and not even the gag can keep me silent when I scream, as this cruel rapist from hell continues to brake my body. He has already broken my heart, my mind and my spirit…there is nothing left of me now…. Oh god. This is it! I am not getting out of here. I do want to die now! I remembered my father always telling us that life was too precious and there was no honour in taking a life, even if it was your own… but did he still mean that even after things like this, because _I_ had no honour left? Not now. He had taken all that from me and without that honour I couldn't be part of that unit any more. There was nothing left to live for. If I wasn't going to get the opportunity to escape, I will settle for the opportunity to die, hopefully with no more or at least very little pain. More tears. Oh god! My family. I was never going to see my family again and they would never know what had happened to me. I would have just disappeared. I am such a coward. A weak pathetic coward.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: Rescue

I woke up by the sound of glass breaking. My gasping hurt me, burning pain was shooting through me with every breath. The gag had been removed, thank god.

After the crash it went quiet until I heard the man suddenly scream, then I heard someone else talking over him….I knew those voices, but it couldn't be? They seemed so distant. Maybe I was dreaming again? I had had a lot of strange dreams since I had been here, but this seemed different. There was the sound of more thuds and crashes before someone raised their voice and then I knew, I knew who it was.

"Where is he?! What have you done to our brother?!" Could it really be...? Raph? Were my brother's finally here? Finally here to save me? Was it really true? "Answer me!" I heard my brother yell.

I had never been so happy, so happy I almost couldn't breathe to hear Raphs voice. I wanted them to come down, free me and take me home. I could not take anymore. I needed to feel some love...for two weeks all I've felt was hate...

"Ok. Ok he's in the basement! Get off me now?" My tormenter squealed. I suddenly pictured my brothers pinning the evil man up against the wall, painfully twisting his arms up his back. I know it was low of me but that image brought a ghost of a smile to my face. Was this really happening? Where they really here to save me? How? How had they found me?

"Leo, the basement!" Raphael called out from above me.

"I'll go. You an' Mikey keep an eye on _him_." There was just silence before footsteps coming down the stairs. Leo...oh please tell me it was really Leo who was there... I wanted to go home...I didn't want those chains around my wrist anymore, I didn't want to be locked up. I didn't want to be...a victim any more. "Donnie! Donnie are you down here? Donnie!" I heard Leo yell...He was finally here...finally...He was really here! Here to take me away from this horrible place!

"...Leo! Leo...I'm... here...I...help me" I heard my voice crack and felt my throat burn as I spoke. But I didn't care, my brothers were here.

"Donnie! Oh god, Hold on!" I could hear Leo's footsteps right outside the door to my prison. Then silence. I immediately became worried. What if he couldn't find me? What if... The door flew open, almost flying off its hinges and Leo stumbled sideways into the room like a super hero! Yes. Today my brothers were _my_ super heroes. Nursing his shoulder, the shock on his face turned into delight and relief as he looked around to find me alive. But that quickly faded into something more like horror as he scanned over my broken bloody body. I could almost see the wheels turning in my brother's head as he tried to process what he was looking at. I must have looked like something out of a horror movie. But I didn't care. I was too happy to care. Oh, how happy I was to see him! He was here, my brother's where here...maybe everything would be alright in the end...maybe they could put my shattered pieces back together again….?

For a moment Leo didn't move. His wide eyes seemed to just roam over me. I had only been gone for twelve days but, both he and I knew I was very different from the last time he had seen me. I was a wreck, a shaking, bleeding, crying mess on the floor. "Oh god Donnie..." I heard him whisper as though he couldn't quite believe it was me. Did he know? I looked up at him. "Get m-me out...o-of here...p-please...Leo" I stuttered. It felt selfish to say that but I could not spend a day longer in here... I was desperate. My words seemed to wake Leo from his trance. He rushed over to me, and cut off the chains from my wrists. I felt the metal fall of my hands and I felt a rock fall off my heart. I could barely move but I gathered my strength and sat up, and I felt every part of my body protesting, every limb heavy, and my whole body burning with pain. I looked into Leos deep blue eyes, seeing the worry in them. "...oh Donnie..." he whispered again and pulled me into a hug. The pain was shooting through me as my brothers arms folded around my sore skin, but for once it felt good. I never wanted him to let go. "How did you find me?" I whispered with such joy. For a moment Leo didn't answer but only hugged me tighter. "We searched everywhere for you. The Shredders lair, the Foot headquarters, even some of the Craange hideouts. But there was nothing and no one knew anything about you…." The last word catching in his throat. "It took days before we even remembered that there was tracers on the Tphones. Then it took even longer to figure out how to hack into your _dam computer!_ After that we followed the signal to the last place it had been transmitting. We found your bow staff around the back of the house. If we had missed it…..! I am sorry Donnie. I am so sorry." Leo sounded like he was repressing a sob. But I just smiled and held him tighter. "What the hell did he do to you?" Could I really tell him? Could I really tell him in what way that man had been...torturing me for twelve days? - No I couldn't...something told me that I couldn't...What had happened is disgusting...It didn't matter that I couldn't do anything to stop him, he would be disgusted by me, right? Disappointed...that I was too weak to protect myself...too weak to fight that man...

"Donatello, please what happened?" Leo pleaded. I shut my eyes and buried my face into Leo's neck. That scent! I remembered his scent from when we were children and right now that was another familiar thing that I welcomed. But I didn't want him to hate me. Because he would, right? He would be ashamed of me? They all would be, wouldn't they? It was my fault...if I hadn't been so stupid to run off by myself, this would never have happened. Yes. This was my fault... And so I decided to keep these twelve days a secret. Now I knew I was safe, I could let go and lose myself in wonderful, blissful unconsciousness. My eyelids felt heavy and I let them shut. My body went limp and I wasn't shaking so much anymore. Leo probably felt it too, because he hugged me tighter. "Whatever happened, we will make him sorry for it. But first let's get you home" he whispered. I felt his arms fold around me. One arm under my knees and the other on my back. I felt my body getting lifted up as though I weighed nothing. My bones were made from foam. "Let's get the hell out of here." He said that part with a bitter tongue. The last thing I remember was feeling my arms fall away from Leo's neck as he made his way back up the stairs and I was only sorry that I wouldn't get to see Mikey or Raph.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three: Shame

I slowly started to wake up. My whole body was aching. Every little inch of me was covered in bruises. The blood had been wiped away and I was covered in bandages. I looked around... I was in the lair... I was back home! After twelve days in hell was back home in my own room, in my own bed, far away from...that place. I heard voices right outside my door.

"I'm tellin' ya we go back there an' rip that guy's head off!" It was Raph and for once his yelling was music to my ears.

"Shut it Raph, Don hasn't even woken up yet, we have to help him before we can even think of revenge!" Leo snapped. "But he hurt our little brotha'!" Raphael shouted, I could hear the frustration in his voice.

"I know but - "

"He was gon' for two damn weeks! Look at 'im! Have you eva' seen 'im like that? I'm gonna go back to that guys place and I'll fuckin' kill that bastard!" Raphael interrupted. I felt my cheeks turn red at his words. I rarely ever heard him call me 'little brother'. I had missed them, I had missed them so much. How many times had I thought about them when I was alone in that cold, dark room? How many times had I prayed that I would get to see them again? The thought that I might never see my brothers again terrified me. When that man had left me to cry, I had thought about nothing else. What were they doing right now? Were they even searching for me? Those lonely hours after he was done with me. I knew that my body wouldn't had been able to take much more. Sooner or later my body would have given up. I had given up much earlier than my body had.

I curled myself up into a ball. This _was_ my fault. I could have done more resistance, right? What if in some way I had been letting him -? No! I had been begging him, I had tried to punch and kick him... But maybe if I had been stronger, I could have found a way out of that place...? My brothers still had no idea and I didn't want them to know and they would never know. NEVER! I was owned now. I was marked and soaked in his scent and if they knew about it they would never look at me the same way again...probably even toss me out, right?

"I'm gonna go check on Donnie" I looked up. That was Mikey's voice. My cheeky, pain in the shell little brother was here. As it opened and he stepped into my room, he instantly locked eyes with me and froze. Then a smile spread on his face. I was so, so very happy to see him.

"Mikey..." I whispered in glee. My throat didn't hurt anymore and my voice was pretty much back to normal. "Donnie you're awake! Guys! Guys! Don's up!" Mikey yelled and rushed over to me, giving me a hug and a kiss on my cheek. The hug made my sore skin burn with pain but I didn't mind as I hugged him back. "I'm so happy that you are back Donnie! We thought we had lost you!"

"I'm thought I was lost too" I almost chuckled but the tears were already stinging my eyes. Oh to hell with it. My dignity was long gone. There was no point holding back anymore. I buried my face in Mikey's chest and began to sob. Mikey wrapped his arms around my shell and held me close. I was glad that he didn't ask any questions. I would not have been able to respond anyway. I just let it all out, two weeks of sexual abuse and embarrassment..."I missed you...so much...Mikey..." I managed to say in-between sobs. "I missed you too big bro..." "Donnie!" I heard the unmistakable rough voice of Raph. My two big brothers were now by my side. I hadn't even herd them come in. As Mikey pulled away my arms buckled and I fell back into my pillow. I wasn't even able to hold up my own body weight without support. How pathetic.

"Are you okay buddy? You were pretty beaten up when Leo found you" Mikey said and smiled nervously at me, his worry written all over his face.

"Yeah, I guess I'm...okay...thanks..." I lied shooing my tears away. They didn't need to see that. I could already feel my cheeks turning red. I didn't know why. They couldn't hate me yet. They didn't know yet, did they? For one horrible moment I thought I saw something flicker in Leo's face but that had vanished by the time he sat down by my feet. No they could not possibly know! I should just calm myself down. Raph had now stepped forward shoving Mikey aside to just stare at me. "Don' ya do that ta us ever again!" He said grabbing my wrists and pulling me into a rough hug. That made me smile. Hugs from Raph were like finding gold and the fact that he gave me one in front of the others! That _was_ a rare privilege.

Raphael was always overprotective of us, even though he would never admit it. These two weeks had probably been hell for him, for all of them. What had I put my family through? Both Leo and Raph always blamed themselves whenever me or Mikey got hurt. Even if there was nothing they could've done about it. The curse of been big brothers I guess.

But what had happened this time was completely my fault and they knew it. I couldn't remember why, but I had been upset over something stupid and I had left the lair by myself to calm down. And I rarely ever got mad, so everyone was utterly surprised. But they let me go as none really knew how to react when I lost my temper. It had been a good hour before I felt better and figured I should head back. But then something had happened. I was coming down from a roof. I remember it had just started to rain and I was looking for the manhole cover. I hadn't felt anyone watching me. I am usually very good a sensing danger. Then I just remember a sharp pain at the back of my head. I stumbled forward, knocking into a dumpster. At first I was sure it must be either the Foot or the Purple dragons. I didn't even get time to reach for my bow staff before another sharp pain shot through my head… he had struck me again and now something hot and wet was trickling down the back of my neck. My hand reaching around searching for the source of the pain. Everything was spinning. It was only then I felt a strong arm come around my neck and squeeze it. Another pinning my arm. I struggled as panic over took me but it was no use. Whoever this person was, he was strong. There was a smell, cigarettes maybe? No it was stronger than that. It was smoky but I couldn't place it. It was so strong that it made my eyes water. I didn't know at the time but that was a vile smell I would become very familiar with. His hands were hot! Very hot and his nails dug into my skin and I could hear his rapid breathing. This nasty hot breath around the side of my face. I couldn't breathe as he continued to squeeze my throat. This was not a ninja. This wasn't one on one combat. Even a purple dragon would have made me face them as they beat me to death with a club, bragging as they did it. If I had just been spotted by a human then they would have just hit me and run away screaming. This was something else. This was more personal. It was at this point I started getting scared….what was going on? But I didn't get chance to wonder on this for long as I felt him forcing my head forward and whacking my forehead against the dumpsters that supported me. Then there was nothing. Some ninja I turned out to be.

When I had woken up with a throbbing head and blurry vision, I was in that dark cold room. There had been no windows and the plaster was crumbling away from the dirty brick walls. This room hadn't been used for a very long time. There was only a mattress and a door. My hands were already chained to the floor. Then I heard a click and the room was flooded with light and my attacker casually strolled in. He was wearing almost nothing. Only a black cloth around his waist.

He had green eyes, and short, black hair. I was sure I had never seen him before but still, I tried to remember. Why else would he want to capture me? How else had he known that I existed? Our paths _must _have crossed before? I tried to recognize him, but could not remember.

"Who are you? What do you want from me?" I asked. The man just smiled and looked at me like a snake would look at a rat. With interest and lust, but also with dominance and superiority.

"You will find out soon enough" he said and started walking towards me. "I've never seen anything like you..." he continued as he kneeled down in front of me.

"I wonder...if a turtle like you...feels good...?" I stared blankly at him for a moment, not really processing what the man in front of me had just said.

"I got to say, I found myself a unique little toy" he said studying my face. And then it clicked. My heart seemed to skip a beat and I shook my head violently and fear welled up in me as his words started to make sense.

I crawled backwards, as far away from him as I could. Pulling my legs up close to my body, making myself as small as possible. But he only laughed.

"It's no use" he said with a sadistic smile printed on his face as he once again made his way towards me. This time, much faster. In less than a second he was just a few inches away from me.

"You look strong." His finger brushed over my collar bone. "I wonder how long it will take me to crack that shell open?" He chuckled. "I think you may even survive longer than the others!" He whispered into my ear.

"Others?" I had forgotten all about that. He had only mention that once…wait had I not been the only prisoner?!

My eyes snapped open. Pain pulsing through me with the sudden movement. I shook my head in an attempt to get the horrible images out of my head. I could feel my heart pounding. Had we left other people behind in that horrible place?

"Donnie are you okay?" Mikey said as he gently pushed me back into my pillow.

"_No I am very, very far from ok." _I said only to myself. "Yea...I'm fine...I'm just...tired" I lied. "Guys, when you rescued me, was it a big house? I mean was there lots of other rooms?" The brothers exchanged a look a little confused by my question.

"Not really." Leo cocked an eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"

"I can't be sure but there may have been others there besides…._me."_

"There was no one else there Donnie. We searched every room before we found that guy and made him tell us where you were." His brothers reassured him. Well that was something at least. Donnie wouldn't wish anything what he had been through on anybody else and the thought that he had got out leaving others behind was just too awful to imagine. But that didn't mean to say that he had not had others there before him. Oh god! Was this a sport for him? Had I just become another victim of a serial rapist? How many more had there been and what had happened to them?

"Donatello." Oh how I had longed to hear that voice. Every other thought and fear quickly vanished from my head as my brothers suddenly stepped aside and our father came to sit in front of me. He just brushed his furry fingers over my face as though to make sure I was real. The look in his eyes, I think there was more pain in them than mine. He just stared at me, he didn't hug me. He was been careful of my injuries. _Hell I didn't care about that. I thought I was never going to see you again._ _Get over here and hug me! _I pushed myself up ignoring my screaming joints and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder. To my joy he returned my hug and I didn't want him to let go, not now, not ever. Strangely all I wanted to do was smell him. That warm a musky cent of incense was the only thing in the world that could assure me that I was safe once again. I hadn't felt like this since I was a small child but right now I just wanted my dad… "My son." He said as tears dropped out of his eyes. "Guys, we should let Donnie rest now. Come on" Leo said quickly steering our brothers out of the room leaving us alone.

I don't remember when sensei left, but I did close my eyes while hugging him and the pain disappeared not long after. Sadly the wonderful and peaceful feeling did not last for very long. No. My inner demons were just getting settled into their new environment.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four: Nightmares

About a week later I could stand on my feet again, with support from one of my brothers, Splinter or crutches. My body was broken and damaged. But still no blood, no scars, no broken bones, shredded skin or wrecked body; nothing was more painful than my memories. I had a broken leg, uncountable scars, cuts and bruises, and cracks in my shell. I knew my body needed time to recover itself, but everything seemed to go so painfully slow. I wanted everything to be like it was. I wanted to fight with Raph and Leo. I wanted to work in my lab... but I was still, too weak to do any of that. I thought that when my brother's had come to rescue me, everything would be okay. That everything would be back to normal. But I was wrong! My abuser kept hunting my dreams, every night, as though he was really searching for me. I could hear his voice, so sure that it wasn't in my head but in the darkness of my room. I would wake up screaming but my brothers were quickly at my bedside, telling me everything was okay. Then after the first few days, instead of turning up all at once, only one would come and sit with me. It was like they were taking it in shifts of who would have to come and console me next.

There was one nightmare I had had a few times after coming home, but it was a nightmare I was sure I had had while I was there with him. I remember it because it was on the night I was rescued, and it was the strangest and most terrifying nightmare I had ever had. I was laying in the blackness of the room been chained to the floor. This was the night I had come to the horrible realisation that I was never going to escape and it maybe it would be better if I asked him if he would finally end this. That he would just kill me and be done with it…..suddenly dim light flooded into my room as the door opened. No. Not again! I thought. He had raped me twice that day, hours ago and although I didn't know what time it was, the room was colder, nipping me all over my skin. I knew it was late and now he wanted more? I was too scared to even turn my head and look at the door. I just waited for him. I waited to feel him climb on top of me. I waited for the pain but, it didn't come. "Ask me to kill you." His voice dripped like black poison, burning me like acid. Slowly I made myself turned to face him standing there in the doorway… I gasped! That wasn't him! Was it? I could just make out a silhouette and - it wasn't human! It was a…..devil! Black eyes just looking at me with the same lust the man had had. I quickly looked away, screwing my eyes tightly shut. It was a nightmare. I was having a nightmare. This guy was evil, but he wasn't the devil…? "Never!" I snapped. I just waited and let the darkness engulf me again as he slowly shut the door. I had had that dream only once since I came home. A nightmare about a nightmare. I really _was_ messed up!

"It's ok Donnie. It's just a nightmare" my brothers kept telling me_. But this wasn't ok. Nothing about this was ok. _Every night I was reliving this hell. My own personal hell. Every night I was back in that place with that man, with that salty, stale burning smell I couldn't identify. The creaks of the floor boards as he approached my room. The sounds, I was sure one night I heard….music….? Just above my head there was a piano playing. My twisted psychopath liked to listen to dark creepy classical music. Of course. How cliché. Did he like to walk around his house in the dark wearing Halloween masks too? All those memories had followed me home. _I_ used to like classical music. Thanks for spoiling that for me you sick bastard!

….

A week had passed since my return. Only a week. Seven days. My brothers would be with me, most of the time and take care of me. But when they tried to ask questions, ask what happened, I wouldn't answer. I could not bring myself to say those words. Even when I wanted to tell them, the words just got stuck in my throat and I could not make a sound. I didn't want to be alone and yet all I wanted to do was disappear, and to never, ever come back. More than anything else I wanted that man to stop hunting me. I didn't even know his name, he never told me but he had ripped my world apart, inside and out. Fifteen years completely destroyed in twelve days.

….

One night I awoke without screaming. Well I couldn't have been because no one had run into my room to check on me yet. I slowly sat up ignoring the pain convulsing through me. Suddenly I froze. There was movement at the other side of my room….oh god! He was here! He had come for me – I quickly put on my bed side lamp and to my relief and embarrassment it was just my long mirror I had against the wall on the other side of my room. I was jumping at my own reflection now. What had I become? I slowly got up and started walking towards it. I wasn't supposed to walk on my own just yet. I had to lean against the wall for support as I came face to face with a beaten, broken turtle looking back at me. It was way past midnight and I didn't want to wake my family with my pathetic nightmares. That's what I was: pathetic. As usual I was being childish. I just stood there for a while staring at him. Who was this turtle because it wasn't me? My once green skin was almost grey and my dark brown eyes had lost all their colour. I was very skinny, I could see the bones in my fingers and arms…. I suddenly froze as I felt something blow against my neck. There was breathing on the back of my neck. It was him! He was still with me. All around me. His hot breath and burning fingers touching and caressing me….Slowly tears started to roll down my cheeks. He would always be with me now. How could I have let it get this bad? How could I fall apart so fast? I put my hand against the mirror and covered my face so I couldn't see it. I could still remember how his hands felt on my skin. I felt a shiver run up my spine. I closed my eyes tight because I was sure that if I open them, he would be there, standing behind me…..I didn't want to look at myself anymore.

"_You belong to me."_ I heard his voice whisper in my right ear.

"Who? What are you? Why won't you leave me alone?" The image of the devil figure flashed across my mind Tears started falling and I didn't even bother to wash them away. I didn't want this body anymore! "Come on my little bitch. Make me happy." I heard him whisper. I gritted my teeth and without thinking, I lunged forward and punched the mirror. I punched it again and then again until it cracked and then shattered in a million pieces. Blood gushed from my hand and the whole mirror fell from the wall crushing me under it. I could feel the glass cut into my skin, I heard myself scream in pain as I pushed the mirror away. There was blood all over me spilling out onto the floor.

I didn't move. Just shut my eyes and curled up in a ball as I listened to the sudden slamming of doors and running footsteps. Mikey been the first to burst into my room, weapons already out as though expecting to see an intruder. "Donnie! What the- ?!" He said completely dumbstruck by the horrific site and no second party to blame for it. He was then quickly followed by Raph who just wrapped his arms around me and quickly carried me away from the broken glass. "Mikey go get Splinter." Leo's order's rang out from the door way. "Leo, I need the antiseptic and some bandages!" Raph demanded as he placed me back onto the bed. As I slowly looked up into Raphael's face, I expected him to start yelling at me. Surprising he didn't say a word. He was completely pale. His eyes wide with shock. "Donnie why ya' do that? What wrong with ya?" I couldn't tell if he was angry or worried, maybe both. Leo was already back carrying the supplies. As he placed them down onto the he just stared down at me as though waiting for an explanation. They weren't going to get one. "Thanks" Raph mumbled and started cleaning my arm. I was so glad that I had taken the time to teach Raph First aid last year.

"Donnie what the hell is going on?" Leo shook his head in disbelief as he looked over my blood staining the floor. I was just about to open my mouth when a sudden sharp pain again closed up my throat cutting me off. I…I couldn't talk. I actually couldn't say anything. "It's not their business. I heard that man say in my head. " I tried to swallow the lump in my throat as my two big brothers looked at me expectantly. But I was so ashamed that I just turned my head away to face the wall. Leo seemed to take that as my answer and stormed out of the room to go and meet Splinter, leaving Raph. He was only inches away from me finishing dressing my hand. "Donnie I swear -" he started whispering angrily in my ear but then like Leo, vanished. He too had left the room to grab a sweeping brush. That was very restrained for Raph, until I noticed that he had already been replaced by Sensei. My rat master staring down at me with a look that was too shocked to be angry, so just settled for concern, mixed in with a lot of fear.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: Worry

Splinter POV

"Enter." Splinter looked up from his spot on the mat. The rat had spent much more time lately meditating, trying his hardest to conclude what exactly was this dark aura drowning his smartest and gentlest son. Twelve days frantically worrying about his safety, to seeing him been carried in by his two eldest. He had never expected Donatello to make an instant recovery, but at least now he was home, he would slowly become his self again. Everything would be alright. But the worry Splinter had had while his son had been missing had not disappeared, in fact it was worse than ever. To say his heart and spirit and mind was troubled was putting it mildly. In fact the rat master could say that his son was in complete and utter turmoil. The more he focussed his energy on him the more worried he became. A dark force was lingering over his son, slowly consuming him and there was nothing at all he could do about it. The more he tried to push against this presence, the more Donatello seemed to also close up. He was home, but only in body and even that was deteriorating right in front of his eyes. He knew he wasn't alone. As his three other sons entered his room, taking their sitting position in front of him, he didn't even need to ask what their concerns were about. "We must be patient my sons. He will turn to us when he is ready." Splinter spoke calmly not wanting his sons to hear the worry in his voice.

"We have been patient! patient, patient and then some, but he is not getting any better." Raphael snapped in frustration. If wasn't for Donnie's fragile state and his father and brother _constantly _telling him to be _patient_, he would have cornered his purple clad brother until he talked. If that didn't work, then he would just go back to that guy's house and repeatedly ram his head through his television screen until he spilled his guts. Well it sounded like a good plan in his head. "Not helping Raph. We are all worried about Donnie. Sensei we don't know what to do." Leo ignoring Raph's glares. This wasn't about them. The constant nightmares, the lack of apatite and…..the self-harming were all pointing to a much more serious issue. What the hell had that man done to their little brother? Although he would never say it aloud, Leo was getting desperate enough to even consider Raphs idea and go and storm that guy's house. Mikey on the other hand was unusually quiet until Splinter looked at him. "What do _you_ think to Donatello's behaviour my son?" The rat encouraged him. Mikey just shrugged. "Well it can't go on like this Sensei. I made him my famous pizza the other day and he didn't even take more than one bite of it! And I have tried everything to make him laugh, but nothing. Not even a peep."

"A pizza and a joke and that's you fresh out of ideas? Wow you really are useless." Raph snapped. Mikey scowled at him. "Your right Raph, maybe I should be more like you and _beat_ the truth out of him! It's not like he's had enough of that already." Alright you two that is enough." Leo snapped. "This isn't helping Donnie."

Raph slammed his fist against the floor. "Nothing we do is helping him. Babying him isn't. Giving him space isn't, so come on Leo what else can we do? I say we go after that guy and make him tell him what he did."

"Enough!" Splinter said sharply and got up. He walked around his room before coming to a stop in front of them again. "It is more than clear that Donatello is concealing things from us. Like any of you would he believes he can handle these problems on his own. Donatello is strong but -" he paused. Should he tell his sons what he was feeling? He didn't want to worry them but - he sigh in defeat. He couldn't hide this. It was going to take all of them to bring Donatello back from this world he seemed to be lost in. "Something much more sinister is going on here. It clouds me from seeing your brother clearly, when I focus on Donatello, I sense….another presence, a dark presence that is keeping him from us."

"Another? What do you mean sensei? You mean that guy?" Leo felt something heavy in his stomach. He knew what his father was talking about. On the rare occasion now when Donnie was in the same room as them, he would sometimes look at him and had to repress a gasp. Not just from this image of ill health, but it was almost like a shadow was around him, only it was coming from within him…..

"I am not sure." Splinter continued. "This is something Donatello must face and then, only then ask us for help. For now we will continue to give him his _space."_ He could see that his sons were about to object to this. "Only for now." He held up his hand. "However we will continue to monitor him. I would like more time to focus on his aura. But if he shows any more signs of distress like the other night, you have permission to confront him."

The brothers sigh. Well at least they had permission to take a more direct approach, but they would just have to wait a little longer. Hopefully soon they would get to the bottom of what was going on. One way or another they were going to know.

…..

Donnie POV

It had been two months since my brothers had rescued me. My body was completely healed. More or less. I was allowed to work on new inventions. Sensei had had me training lightly in the dojo, though I didn't know why I was bothering really. I lost every sparring match. Regularly beaten down to the floor by Raph, Leo and even Mikey. But I didn't care. They had asked me if I wanted to go out on patrol. But I couldn't. Not yet. I wasn't ready. I knew I couldn't hide away forever, but not while he was still out there…. Who was I kidding? He might as well be down here in the lair with me. But I still wanted to wait, so I made some good excuses and hid away in my lab. I had never had so many projects going on all at once. I didn't wake up screaming anymore but I still saw him every night. He had become my personal ghost. Many times I had tried meditating with sensei, but even with my father's soothing words, he was still there. "You can't HUM me away Donatello!" I heard _him _whisper. I gasped snapping my eyes open. My name. How did he know my name?! For a moment I panicked until I realised he didn't. It was his voice in my head. It was me. It was all me. I _was_ crazy.

"Donatello? Is everything alright my son?" father asked noticing my sudden mood change_. "Oh father if you only knew._" I said to myself. "Yes Sensei I am fine." I smiled brightly, but I think he must have heard what I said in my head first. He just looked at me with those golden brown eyes, as though he was seeing my lie written on my forehead. It was a look that was normally reserved for Mikey or Raph. I just had to keep my expression calm and breathe, yes I should keep breathing. That's right, in and out, nothing wrong here. It must have work because after about 30 seconds Master returned to his meditating and I could quietly slope away.

I wasn't eating much either. I was so disgusted with myself, even food seemed like something I wasn't worthy of. Because of that I wasn't gaining any weight. More than once I had overheard Leo talking to Father how dangerously skinny I was. When I was training or in my lab I hid in my bed under the blanket I rarely ever spoke and nobody talked to me. I guess they all felt awkward when I was around. I knew my family worried and I hated myself for it. They knew something was very wrong. I was once again being a burden to them. I was so..."Donnie! Dinner's ready!" Mikey's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I sighed before standing up. It was bright in the rest of the lair and my eyes needed a few seconds to get used to the strong contrast to my dark room. White dots were dancing all over my vision. I rubbed my eyes.

As I entered the kitchen I realized everyone was staring at me. I felt my cheeks turn red and I quickly sat down next to Mikey to draw the attention away from me. Why was everyone looking at me?

"Whoa, Don, are you alright? You look horrible, bro!" Mikey said and poked my cheek. I pushed his hand away.

"Just tired" I mumbled. Mikey just nodded slightly and stared down at his empty plate. An awkward silence spread, no one wanting to be the first to speak. I could feel all their glares at me and I desperately tried to look away. Dinner stood in front of us but no one ate. Were they waiting for me to make the first move? Just looking at the food made me feel sick. I was sure one day soon my shell was going to slip right off my skinny body, but I didn't care. I should just wait for them and I'll take what's left. Mikey is clearly hungry. I can just tell he is itching to reach out and take the whole box. But after a few minutes Leo got tired of waiting. It was now then I realised that I had been ambushed. Great.

"That's it! This can't go on Donnie, I've had enough of this" Leo broke the silence and stood up. I looked at him, but remained silent. He looked worried, above anything.

"Donnie, there is something wrong with you and..."

"I'm fine...I don't know what you are talking about" I interrupted, my voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper.

"Don't lie to me Donnie"

"I'm not lying..." I answered quietly and looked away. I felt my cheeks turn red and I started sweating. I was trembling slightly, and I prayed no one saw it.

Damn it...why was I so embarrassed?! I cursed myself for being the shy turtle, I was once again showing them all how weak I was!

"Yea, sure, Donnie"

I tried to say something, I swear I did, my lips were moving, but not a single sound was heard. I hid my face in my hands. I didn't want him to see my tears.

"Donnie, we..."

"I'm fine...I promise..." I could only whisper.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn, Donnie?" Leo said softly.

"It's...not what you think...you don't want to know Leo...I don't want you to know..." I said, barely audible. I looked up at Leo. He looked at me with wide eyes, as if processing what I just had said.

"Why...what...what are you talking about? Don't want us to know what?" He asked, staring at me... "Was it….that guy…?"

He looked mad, but his voice told me otherwise. When with Raph and Leo, there was no difference between them being worried, and mad. Sometimes they don't even know themselves if they are angry, or just worried about us.

I turned my back to them. I couldn't look at them.

"I'm sorry..." suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. Leos hand.

He turned me around to face them again, but I only looked down to the floor. Desperately avoiding their glances.

"Why are you apologizing, little brother?" he then pulled me into a hug. It was the first real hug I had had from any of them since my rescue. His arms comforting but still, cold, hard and a reminder of things I didn't want to remember. An unpleasant image of that man on top of me forced its way into my mind and it made me jerk back.

"No! Don't...don't touch me...please...I can't...I can't stand it..." quickly pushing him away as though his touch burned me. I felt how Leo went cold. I was giving them clues! Way too many clues! I could almost hear Leos mind piecing my words together, but it was a conclusion he wasn't willing to come to, at least not on his own. But could he really not see it written all over my face? Couldn't any of them?

"What do you mean?" He slowly asked me.

I looked down again, closing my eyes. "I...I can't tell you..."

Raphael finally stood up, slamming his fists onto the table. He had had enough and was going to drag the truth out of me. "Ya can, an' ya will! I'm sick an' tiered of worrying about ya!"

"Raphael, that's enough" everyone in the room turned around. For a few seconds taking the spotlight off me. Splinter stood in the door frame. None of us had heard him come in. I honestly didn't know why everyone was so surprised to see him, after all we were all used to him showing up and disappearing like a ghost.

Raph sat back down on his chair, his arms crossed over his chest. "Donatello, may I speak with you?" Splinter said. It wasn't a question, but an order. And I had no choice but to obey. I slowly nodded, and stood up, feeling my brothers stares in my back as I left the kitchen with Splinter.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Confessions

"Sit" Father told me, and I sunk down to my knees. I wanted to be left alone! They were just making it all worse!

"Donatello, we all know that something is troubling you. Don't you understand that we are worried about you?" Though splinter was kneeling, he still towered over me.

I looked away, and felt my cheeks turn red and tears well up in my eyes.

"Why won't you tell us what is wrong Donatello?"

"Because you will hate me. All of you will - "

"We would never hate you Donatello... what makes you think that?" Splinter spoke softly.

"Because...because of what _he_ did... that man." the first tears already fell from my eyes.

I couldn't believe it. Was I really just going to spill it all? I wanted too... but Splinter would kick me out right? He would tell the others...

Splinter stiffened "What did he do?" Sensei asked me softly but there was a new edge in his voice.

"I don't want to talk about it..." I whispered.

"You don't have to, but I promise that you will feel better." Sensei said this so softly as though he was trying to coax it out of me. "And I promise that I always will love you." My head snapped up. Sensei looked at me with those loving, caring eyes. And then a dam broke. My mask, that hid my weakness, completely crushed.

I flew up from the floor, and into my father's waiting arms. I hugged him, clinging onto him as if my life depended on it. He stroke my shell, slowly. Comforting me. I couldn't help it, I couldn't hold it in anymore!

"Father. He...He...touched me..." I whispered into Sensei's shoulder. Closing my eyes tightly and I felt Splinter's grip around me tighten. His breathing even seemed to have stopped for a moment. He seemed to understand what 'touched' meant in that situation.

"In places...He shouldn't have..." I continued, fearing the worst. "I tried to fight him but…..i was chained down….i couldn't move…..he wouldn't stop…every…..day….he wouldn't…..stop!

I was sure that any second, Splinter would pull me away from him and tell me how...worthless I was... But that never happened. He just kept hugging me, letting me cry. We stood like that a while. My confession hanging in the air.

"Now I understand why you didn't want to talk about this..." he finally said.

"Please don't hate me" I begged, and grabbed Splinters fur with my hands. I finally dared to look at him. He had tears in his eyes too. We stood silent for a while.

"You are not going too...throw me out are you?" I asked carefully. I was trembling, my knees starting to buckle beneath me. Splinter noticed, and carefully lowered me to the floor, still in front of me.

"Why would I ever throw you out?" He asked as he took both my hands in his.

"Because...I was too weak to...keep him away from me..." I whispered barely audible, bowing my head in shame.

"Oh, Donatello..." But I shook my head, smiling sadly.

"It was my fault. If I had been stronger, nothing would have ever happened...my brothers would never let somebody take...advantage of them like he did to me...it's only because I'm weak..." I said, but Splinter interrupted me.

"You are not weaker than your brothers, Donatello. You are very strong... That you have been through this shows how strong you are. It is not your fault." I wanted to say something but Splinter interrupted again.

"You didn't ask for him to..." not even Splinter seemed able to say the word." He forced it on you. It's not your fault, Donatello" and the last fear of being rejected disappeared. I started crying again. Splinter pulled me into another hug.

"Why would he...do that?" I asked between my sobs. "And how...does he know who I am? What...does he want from me?" I asked as I clung onto Splinters fur.

He shook his head.

"I don't know..." he said as he held me even closer to him." But I won't let him near you again" I nodded.

Sensei gently pulled himself away from me, studying me.

"Donatello, were you...hurt...?" He asked me, and I felt how I immediately turned red. I knew what he meant by 'hurt'

"Yes..." I answered as I looked away, extremely embarrassed.

"Do you think that you are... alright now?" He asked. I shrugged, which meant no.

Splinter sighed sadly. "Oh, Donatello...why didn't you tell me sooner about all this?"

"I was scared that you would...be disappointed...and disgusted with me..."

"I'm disgusted with the man who hurt you, not with you" Splinter quickly went back to hugging his son as though this dark force was about to come and snatch him away again. He just couldn't believe it. A man. No. A monster had touched, had abused his son in the worst way possible. It was every parent's nightmare. A nightmare he actually thought he would never have to go through. Violence. Yes. Injuries. Yes. God forbid, death. But not this. Splinter had not been ready for…_this_! What was worse he had made Donatello think it was all his fault and for the first time in his life Splinter found himself at a loss of what to do. He had been so sure that he had prepared all his sons for everything the world could throw at them. But now he just felt foolish. Outwardly Splinter forced himself to remain calm. As hard as it was, his son needed him to be strong. But inside he could feel the anger burning him, twisting and stabbing at his guts. This was quickly disrupted by a sharp stab of guilt. Not only had he failed to protect his third youngest, but at this moment he was also failing himself. His entire life he had practiced and taught the beliefs his father and Master had taught him. That taking a life was wrong, no matter what….The guilt cut him deeper because right now, as a parent all he wanted to see was this man with his throat ripped out. Oh hell! _He_ wanted to be the one to do it! The rat quickly tried to re-bury these blood thirsty emotions. He hadn't had feeling such as these in years, not since the Shredder had killed his wife and daughter. That had almost killed him. It had taken every ounce of strength he had to just walk away from that without his vengeance. Right now he was having difficulty remembering how he had done it the first time. No. He couldn't do this. His feelings were not important right now. This was about Donatello. Not to mention he would have to help his other sons through this. He already knew that they were not going to be as restrained. Though he didn't show it, it was shocking for Splinter how quickly his lust for blood had again resurfaced. The last thought that went through Splinters head was "Forgive me father, but god help this man if I should ever meet him!"

"Thank you..." Donatello said suddenly bringing his father back to the horrible black cloud that he was now sharing with him.

"He will _never_ hurt you again my son. I promise." His father hid his inner turmoil with a warm smile. But what neither of them knew at the time that this was far from over.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Rage

The three brothers sat around the table quietly chewing on more than just there food. So, Donnie _had_ been hiding more from them? The fact that he had never answered any questions about his imprisonment indicated that bad things had happened to him, but they just figured Donnie would open up in his own time. But he hadn't and now it was effecting his health. They were warriors. Sadly violence was part of their life and no one understood this better than Donnie. What could be so bad that Donnie couldn't, wouldn't talk to them? There brother was in a sense disappearing right in front of their eyes. The turtles hadn't felt so useless since he had first disappeared. Why had they not pushed him earlier? Master Splinter had now reappeared at the kitchen door with a grim look on his face. It made all of his sons look around at him and put their food back on their plate. "Master, is everything alright?" Leo turned towards his father. Splinter only shook his head, not meeting any of their eyes. "You know what's up with Donny, don't you?" Raph recognised the look on the rats face as pain, poorly masking the rage. This time Splinter heaved a heavy sigh. "Come." He gestured for his remaining sons to follow him into the other room. At this each of the brothers felt an icy blade cut down their spine. Donnie had confessed to whatever was bothering him and now Splinter was going to tell them and judging by the look on their fathers face they were really not going to like it.

…..

Master Splinter gestured for his son's to sit down. Leo and Mikey took their seats without an argument, suddenly feeling very cold. This was bad, they knew it. Raph however remained standing as though trying to prepare himself for a physical blow. Splinter looked at him. It was a warning look to obey. Raph sigh and sat down beside Mikey but his posture was tense. "What did that man do to our brother sensei?" Leo asked without looking up. His hands rubbing painfully together. "_Please don't say it! Please don't say what I think you are going to say!" _ Leo was screaming to himself. Splinter took a deep breath before starting and still didn't look up to meet there eyes. "It is worse than we feared my son's. Donatello's recent behaviour is a direct result of what that human did to him while imprisoned." No one responded, but only waited for their father to continue. "The starvation, the beatings he received were not by far the worse treatment. Donatello also suffered…_.sexual_ assault. I believe more than once."

All the air suddenly seemed to disappear from the room. The only sound to be heard was a small whimper from Mikey. Every muscle in Raph's body had suddenly become frozen. Even his facial expression did not show any sign that he had just really believe or even just heard what his father had said, but he had, as Mikey suddenly got a sixth sense that he had about 5 seconds to get out of the line of fire. "He…he raped him…?" Leo broke the silence, closing his eyes.

…..

Donnie POV

I was laying in my father's bed. Trying to sleep. Scared to sleep. Sleep meant more nightmares...nightmares I couldn't stand anymore. I couldn't understand why Splinter wasn't mad at me...I was a disappointment...The weak link...The weak mutant who couldn't keep a human away... but deep down I knew...I knew I wasn't to blame. But I wouldn't let myself believe that.

Splinter had said, he would have to tell my brothers, but suggested I'd go and lay down safe in his bed. He said that it'd be easier if I wasn't there when he told them. He wanted to spare me, but I could hear them in the living room. First I could only hear father's quiet voice. He was mumbling, but I didn't need to hear what he was saying. A few seconds of silence followed then…I flinched. Raph's angry loud voice suddenly broke out, echoing around the lair.

"He did WHAT?!"

"Raphael, calm yourself."

"That sick fucker RAPED my little brotha'!" Raphael screamed, no longer caring about the language he used in front of father. I could then hear him crashing into things. I could just see him stomping around the room waving his hands around in a rage.

"Freaking out ain't helping no one Raph." Leo said calmly but couldn't hide the hurt from his voice. Hurt because on some level he had already guessed at what had happened to me. I saw it in his eyes the moment I had pushed him away. Up until now he had just been praying that he was wrong. Somehow I just knew he was cursing himself that he had been in denial, leaving me to suffer alone. I couldn't blame him, but it was like I was reading his mind. The moment he had opened that door and found me in that basement, my hands and legs chained to the floor, my blood all over the place, he had known, but just didn't want to see it because the idea was just too horrible to imagine.

"Shut up, Leo! You bein' an ass ain't helpin' no one either!'" Raphael shot back.

"That's enough. We need to focus on what is of importance" Splinter scolded.

"What's Important is that we find tha fucker who did that and fuckin' kill 'im!" Raph said, swearing wildly.

"We need to focus on being there for Donatello before we can even think of revenge." Splinter continued, ignoring Raphael's protests.

"How did that dude know about us...about Donnie... in the first place?" Mikey asked in a small, almost whimpering voice.

"I, I really don't know Mikey"

"Could he been working for shredder or something? How else would he know about us?" Leo said.

"Yea...but if he works for the Shredder', why haven't we seen 'im before?"

I sat up in my bed. I couldn't stand them talking about me like this. It made my whole body tense. I didn't want to know! Why was it important to know if he worked for the shredder?! He had his fun, on my expense! I didn't even care about revenge. I never wanted to see him again...

"This is bullshit! We can't jus' let 'im get away with this! Not this!" Raphael yelled from the living room.

Slowly I stood up, feeling how I got close to tears again. Fumbling in the dark as I slowly made my way through the Dojo and opened the door, looking out at them all. They all stared at me before quickly looking away.

"Oh, hi Donnie...Did we wake you?" Leo asked, staring down at the floor.

"No...it's ok..."

"No, it's fuckin' not ok Donnie!" Raphael interrupted me. He hadn't looked at me like that since I was first rescued. Now I was worried, would that be the only look I get from him now, from any of them? Not only would I be labelled the weaker turtle, but the raped one too.

"That sick bastard ... hurt ya... And ya kept it secret fo' some bullshit reason! So don' fuckin' tell me it's ok!" Raphael yelled in my face. I winced at his words and even jumped back a little as though Raph was going to punch me. I wasn't afraid of Raph, not really. He was my brother. But I had been expecting the aggression. Any moment now Raph would tell me how vile I was and how he couldn't stand to be near me, - but instead Raph just stopped in his tracks. He thought I was scared of him! Surprisingly the look on his face was not grossed out, more like shocked and a little hurt, forcing him to step back.

"Raph...it's been months... I'm fine..." I tried to convince him.

"You're not! I know you, and I see it on you! You are anything but fine!" Mikey finally cried out. He buried his face in his hands, and I could hear him sob and I could only stand there. I felt paralyzed, frozen. Unable to move. I could only watch the scene in front of me. Raph next to me, Mikey sobbing loudly as Leo hugged him, Splinter standing on the other side of the room. Looking at me with pity in his eyes.

I felt tears threatening again. It was all my fault... "STOP!" I cried, surprising even myself. "Just stop. I'm sorry ok! I'm sorry I went off by myself! I'm sorry I was too weak! Just please don't cry... I don't want you to cry... I'm not...worth any tears!" Everyone stared at me, as I sunk to my knees and started crying myself.

"Donnie...what did you just say? You don't...really believe that do you?" Leo whispered, as he slowly kneeled down next to me.

"It's true!" I cried out as I clenched my fists. There was a moment of silence, and I gritted my teeth. I couldn't take it anymore! Nothing made sense... Why was everyone so nice? They weren't supposed to be nice to me! After what happened...they shouldn't love me! Not anymore... I slammed my fists onto the ground.

"Donnie...what...?"

"Why aren't you mad at me?!" I yelled and flew up from the floor. Mikey reached out to touch my shoulder but I jerked away.

"Don't touch me! You should all stay away!" I yelled as I backed away from them.

I didn't understand this...This was all so wrong...I fell silent again, as my anger left me. Mikey had backed away, grabbing Raph's arms, hiding behind him.

Leo sat on the floor at my feet, now slowly standing up, making another attempt to reach out to me. I pushed him away again. I then made my way over to the couch and slowly sunk down, bowing my head in defeat.

"Do you still love me?" I asked quietly. It wasn't more than a whisper but it seemed painfully loud in the silent room. There was a short pause as though they couldn't understand the question.

"Of course we love you...What...what kind of question is that?" Leo asked me.

"Why? There...There is nothing to love about me..." I sighed as I closed my eyes.

"Don't say that!" Mikey suddenly stood up. "Don't you ever say that." His voice shaking, his skin pale. "You shouldn't have let him convince you that you aren't lovable! We all love you!" Mikey said. He tried his hardest to smile, but the tears broke from his eyes and his smile turned into a sob. I couldn't stand seeing him cry. Now I reached out to hug him. I was shaking and I was freezing. The tears felt hot on my cold cheeks. And suddenly it was Mikey's turn to comfort me. Since Mikey was the youngest, and also closest to me, I had always been the one to be there for him. Now, it was his turn to be there for me. Still, I didn't want to take the help. I didn't deserve it after what I had put them through. I felt another pair of arms wrap around me and a shiver ran up my spine.

"You shouldn't." I mumbled

"Yeah, we should you stupid geek." I looked up at Raphael, he was smiling at me. It wasn't a real smile, it was a smile that was supposed to make me feel better. But, honestly, seeing Raph like that... I wasn't sure if it was my heart breaking, or coming together.

"I love you all so much. I am just still so…so lost. "I sobbed as I buried my face in Mikey's shoulder.

"Then just hold on Donnie. We are coming to find you." Leo joined in the hug and just like that the shivers stopped. I didn't feel threatened any more, my brother's protective embrace securing me, holding me together. I wasn't quite home yet, but for the first time I knew I was the safest I had ever been since my abduction. On the other side of the room, Splinter stood. He was smiling, even though tears rolled down his cheeks as well.


	8. Chapter 8

**OK EVERYBOY SHUT UP AND LOOK AT ME!**

**From here on out, its not i who has written! I have gotten a lot of help from this awesome person Glazier Blue. They have written everything and drawn the new cover. They are fucking amazing. I thought id give them some love :) Anyway, take a moment and read what they have turned my story into, because i promise, its awesome **

Chapter Eight: Revenge

Him POV

"It was another day without my little toy. My little bitch. My only hope. My skin itched me. Burning me. I wanted him. I needed him. I had tried to find him and a few times had come close. I could sense anyone I wanted and I _really_ wanted him! The child humanoid turtle who I now knew was called Donatello. That brought a smile to my face. Such a fitting name. I had only just managed to peak into his head a few times and I could see that he was not doing such a great job forgetting me. They never forget me. None of my victims forget me but he was the first to escape me. Had I have known about his brothers, I would have worked harder to brake him. I was so close. He wanted to die that last night, I knew it. I could feel it. But he was obviously stronger than I thought. Of course he is strong, that's why I like him. The others were ready to give up their tragic lives within hours. Even the older humans took no time at all to break. That made them unworthy….that turtles sacrifice would have worked and it would be over by now! Dam it!"

"Good Morning Mr Cubus. The usual?"

"Yes. Black with three sugars please." I said to the young man behind the counter. Such a nice young man. Always so polite. He couldn't be older than 16. Had I not have seen Donatello first I may have been tempted to invite him over to my house…. No one compares to the little mutant but maybe I still could. I need _something_ to keep me entertained while I plan to retrieve my little toy. I smiled to myself as I sit down at the table and open up the paper. I wasn't really looking at it though. I didn't even see the words on the page. I couldn't see anything or anyone sitting around me. Oh if only they knew what I was thinking as they passed me by. I chuckled with dark delight. If only they knew what I really was. This entire coffee shop would be empty in moments, at least…the ones I would allow to escape. But I can't think about them anymore. All I can think about is _him._ Oh how I hate this place. All I need is one broken but willing sacrifice. If only I could read my little mutants mind and see where he lives, I would go and get him myself, but that other larger male mutant keeps pushing me away from him. Is that really his father? I guess there really are stranger things in this world than me. Well regardless I have never felt power like that from a mortal….unless. No. He can't be? Dam it. He is. His father is a _Spirit Guide._ They are such a pain in the ass, but so rare in this age. At least he is still in his mortal form, but this means I can't kill him! If I release him from his body, he will become even more powerful. Well I guess I am just going to have to work around that. Yes. Next time he tries to break me from my little toy, I shall be waiting. I just need long enough to reach out to him and…Dam! There are still his brothers with a protective instinct stronger than any I have ever felt before. I guess that is because unlike these humans, they really do know of the dangers lurking in the dark. Maybe I can use that to my advantage….? Hmmmm. I pondered. I have to get them out of the way long enough for me to take him. I think a few more mind tricks are in order. Shake things up a bit. Oh my little Donatello I really will miss you. Yeah. I really will. Maybe we can have one more magical night together before I finish you. I lick the rim of my coffee cup remembering the taste of his sweet skin….

…

Leo POV

There was no patrol tonight. No extra training sessions in the dojo. No video games or silly horror movies. The brothers sat together on the couch just watching the news, sharing the first comfortable silence they had had in a long time. At least it was comfortable for some. Donatello had dozed off into the first real peaceful sleep he had had in months, straight into Mikey's lap while he stroked his cheek. Mikey would have stayed here all night soothing his brother, as though his actions alone was keeping Donnie's nightmares away. Both Leo and Raph had kept glancing over at their sleeping brother, silently fighting off some very difficult emotions. Leo nervously kept checking on Raph. The red bandanna turtle had his arms and legs folded so tight that Leo was sure that it was going to take a crowbar to unlock his limbs again. But that didn't do much to hide the shaking. Raph was completely and inconsolably lost in rage. But he wasn't about to take his eyes off his little brother. In fact it would be a miracle if Raph ever left him alone again. Leo had not said anything on this because he knew that all this brother wanted to really do right now was take his sharp blades on a target session at that man's head, and the _only _thing keeping him here right now was in fact Donnie. Of course he wasn't alone on that one. Mikey had already moved his pillow and blanket into Donnie's room. Donnie had protested but there was no arguing once Mikey had made up his mind. As far as they were concerned Donatello was going to have three extra shadows from here on out, whether he liked it or not. Leo had been sitting quietly unable to move because he just found this entire situation unbearable. His thoughts on a continuous cycle, coming to the same conclusion over and over again…. _This is my fault!_ "I had known." He screamed to himself. "On some level I had known what had happened to my brother and I couldn't protect him or even be there for him. Why had I not made Donnie talk sooner? Why had I just left him alone and watch him make himself ill? Whether it had been Mikey or Raph this happened to, I am the leader…..! I shouldn't have let this happen -" "I think it's time we were all in bed." Raph had suddenly got up, disrupting my thought train, destination guilt-vill!

Mikey jumped up as Raph had quickly scooped up Donnie into his arms as though he was a child. But the purple turtle was so tired that he didn't wake up. "Are you staying with him all night Mikey?" Raph asked as he carried his brother up the spiral stares. "I will glue myself to him if I have too." Mikey assured him while trailing a long behind with a yawn. "Good."

A short time later Raph was tucking both his little brothers into bed while I stood at the door. It was nice catching Raph at these tender moments. Protecting his brothers, along with a massive guilt trip was a sure guarantee to meet a caring sweet Raph. Sadly this always came at a heavy price and I am now just waiting to pay it. Oh good. I didn't have to wait too long. As soon as Raph closed the bedroom door he pulled out his sai with a look that I can only describe as murder!

"So are you coming with me or not fearless?"

I sigh miserably. "You really want to do this right now Raph?" I said this as though it was a bad idea, only…..well a part of me didn't think that it was. But someone had to be the rational one.

"Don't give me that bullshit Leo. You want blood as much as I do. It's the only reason I am asking you and not going off alone. You think I haven't been watching your face the last few night since we found out what that sick fucker did? I bet your even blaming yourself for this aren't you?" He sneered. Dam! I forgot how well my brother knew me. "Do you want to feel better? Then get your shell in gear and let's go!"

"It's not that simple Raph." I turned away and headed back down the stairs. "This guy is not an alien or a foot clan or even a purple dragon! He is a sick twisted deviant who has a human life, with a 9 to 5 job, probably. Friends and maybe even a family who will report him when he goes missing!"

I only made it as far as the bottom step before I felt Raph grab me and swing me around, his face blazing in anger. "So what, he gets away with it! He isn't on our "most wanted list" so he gets to just walk away.

"That is _not _what I am saying Raph. You don't think I want to take this guy's head off and mount it on the wall?! Even without the Shredder and the Craange, the world isn't exactly short of bastards like him! He will get what is coming to him, but not like this…." Oh dear. That was the wrong thing to say. Raph looked at me like I just slapped him. I really don't want to fight right now….because I may actually hurt him! I really want to hurt something right now.

"NOT LIKE WHAT!?" Raph shouted but then remembered the Donnie and Mikey was sleeping just above his head. His face almost matched the colour of his mask, but he kept his voice a low and angry growl. "_This_ is what we do Leo. This is what we are for. Taking down scum like him! What – what the hell should we do, call the police? Have Donnie give a statement? Get your head out of your shell Leo. Do you think this guy was normal before? Then just one night he spotted Donnie and suddenly thought, _Wow_ _I have to get me some of that_...?" He waved his hands around angrily in my face. "For all we know he has done this before. What if to other kids!? And now he knows about us. Are you really just going to let him roam free? What's to stop him coming after Donnie again, or even Mikey next time since he seems to like the softer ones? Do you want to take that chance because sure as hell _I don't!_

I couldn't speak I was so dumfounded. Raphael. My brother who always acts first and then asks questions later….well, most of the time he never even asks questions. But right now was he actually making sense? My hot headed brother, who was set on collecting blood actually talking _me_ into vengeance? He did have a valid point though. There was no way this guy was a stranger to this life style. Had he taken my brother because he was a mutant turtle or did his age have a lot to do with it as well? Did that mean Mikey was in danger too? I couldn't handle failing another brother. Raph was right. This man didn't deserve to walk. Donnie should have justice, and we _would _be saving other future victims from this vile animal's violence…. Oh god! Are we actually talking about _killing _someone? Was I crazy? This wasn't us. This isn't what we did! We protected the innocent not punished the guilty….? But really when it came down to it, what was the difference? I am so conflicted….I _want_ to kill this man. I want him to suffer for what he did and will most likely do again. I want Donnie to feel safe and never have to think about seeing him again, but, we are not killers. Not even Raph. "Raph." I could only manage a small voice. "If we find him, make him suffer like he deserves, kill him, how are we any better?" I wasn't arguing with him and he knew that. I wanted him to give me an answer. I wanted him to convince me that our actions would be justified….god dam my honour but I had never wanted anything so much in my life!

"Leonardo. Raphael." Splinter's voice came out of the dojo like a fog horn. He had heard us talking! Those sensitive rat ears of his had heard every word we had said….he had probably even heard my thoughts too. For the first time in my life Sensei's voice was not a relief to hear, but instead struck a fear in me that I had never encountered before. Just having this conversation was dishonouring everything our master had taught us. As we quickly walked into the dojo to find him calmly sitting on his mat, I could tell that Raph was having the same inner panic attack I was. We took our places in front of him, our heads hanging low as we waited for the scolding of a life time….. "I understand why you wish to take this drastic action against the human who hurt your brother. I confess that I share it." Me and Raph both snapped our heads up. Out of all the things we had expected, that was not anywhere on the list.

….

Raph POV

I wasn't sure how much time had passed while Sensei walked around us. I was ready to be on trial for my life and take any punishment I had coming, just so long as I got to take out this sick spineless…..there were not enough words to describe this "guy." No. He wasn't a person. Wasn't even fit to be called an animal! I don't care just as long as I get to….to…_kill_ him and spare my little brother from any more nightmares…I will do it! I will. That was my only thought until my father said the very last thing I ever thought he would say. He…he agreed with us? Was I asleep right now and having some backwards wishful dream? His facial expression didn't seem to say so, and Leo looked just as shocked and confused as I did. After another few moments he came and sat down in front of us again. I had never seen our father like this before. He was always so calm and still. He always knew what we were thinking and what to say, but now he was troubled…..our father was fighting the same horrible emotions we were….wait. Sensei _had_ been through pain like this before. Our father talked about a lot of things he had done and yet he had done a lot of things he never talked about. "When the five of us were brought together my sons, I knew it was for a reason. You have never replaced the family I lost. You all were part of it just as much as they were and I swore that I would do everything I could to protect you, or at least teach you how to protect yourselves. But like my wife and my daughter I have once again failed…." "No that is not true." We both protested but splinter held up his hand. "When I knew that they were dead, all I wanted was vengeance. Shredder had ripped my world apart and I knew he would never stop, even to this day he still won't. He is my demon, my curse, my opposite but most of all he is my test. One I still may fail." There was a pause that seem to last forever. What was he saying? As though he read my mind – "Shredder hurts you to hurt me. That is why I taught you to fight. To protect yourself from him, NOT beat him for me. I and I alone can only do that. I never wanted any of you to feel what it was like to have someone like Shredder always hunting you, pushing you, breaking you from inside out, but unfortunately Donatello has found his Shredder. His demon and his test. I know you want to protect him from it as do I." A tear ran down his face. "But Donatello will never recover from this unless he faces it. We can support him, we can help him, we can be there for him, but you cannot do it for him or it will destroy him. Even if we killed this despicable man, he will still be there in your brother's head and in his heart forever. Donatello is the only one who can make him go away."

"Are you saying we should let _Donnie_ kill this guy instead of us?" I heard Leo say but it was far away. NO! no no no! Donnie is not a killer!" he is the least violent of all of us. He is a protector. That is why he has a stick instead of a blade…..taking a life would destroy him not save him! Why the hell should he get his hands dirty because of that bastard…..!? Oh I see what sensei is saying…I think. Crap.

"You are angry Raphael as we all are, but you are NOT a killer." He looked at me with those eyes that could melt iron. But then they softened in an understanding and a sad ghost flickered across his face. "Believe me when I say it will destroy you if you took his life and once again he will win. I am not willing to lose one son down that dark path of revenge let alone two. None of you are killers. Donatello certainly is not. But, he _is_ a warrior and he will out- match his enemy on the battle field. If this man chooses to bring death, then death shall find him. For Donatello, whether this battle is physical, emotional or psychological, he will win or die trying. It is just up to us to make sure that it is a fare fight this time. _Whatever _that may take! Do you understand what I am telling you both?"

Sadly I did understand. Leo understood to. I wish we didn't but as always father was right. Alright this was something Donatello had to do. I get that. But I will be dammed if I let him do it alone. A fare fight! It will only be fare in my opinion when this guy was getting exactly what Donnie felt he deserved and Donnie is standing victorious. We wanted our brother back. Our smart, sarcastic, irritatingly know it all, geeky but optimistic little brother back. I nodded in understanding but there was still one issue that needed addressing. "He is still out there father, What if he is doing to others what he did to Donnie? I mean Donnie isn't ready to face him yet, so what do we do in the mean time? Leo stealing my words. Sensei stroked his chin while pondering over this troubling thought. No parent should have to go through this. Whatever happened now this man's fate was sealed, but in the meantime he was still a threat to others not just his son…. "Very well. Shadow this man. Make sure he has not replaced Donatello. But only watch. You are not to engage him unless you need to. Do you understand?" We both bowed. As we got to our feet and left the Dojo, we both knew that this was going to be the hardest thing only watching this human and not ripping him to shreds. I guess this was going to be a test for us too.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: Capture

Leo POV

An hour and a bit later me and Raph were pulling up down a back-alley outside the house were we had tracked Donnie to two months ago. Normally we would have taken the sewers but there was one problem. This house was in a residential area in Brooklyn of all places! So we had to take the bridge over the river. Neither of us spoke as we drew up outside. I felt that I was been hit in the belly with a club. It just didn't feel right. Nothing about this was right. The house. I didn't really have much knowledge on the housing market, but I could tell this had been a wealthy house than some places this side of the Hudson in its day. Now it was a little to run down and unkept. The first time we hadn't taken much notice of it as we were too busy looking for a way in, but now I knew what kind of _person_ lived here I wanted to take a moment to really look at it. It was a perfect square house, at least two floors high, painted white, although now it was very weathered, with tatty green painted windows. It also had a large wooden black porch on the front with high steps leading to the front door. To anyone else it looked like just a normal old house…..to me it looked eerily and very lonely although another house was not 10 feet away. After I had seen what had been done to my brother here, I knew this was a house of horror and torture. The aura surrounded this place was so dark, it sent a shiver down my back. No one would ever believe what was going on inside. The windows blacked out. It didn't look like anybody was home. It was night but luckily there were no street lights along the deserted, gritty road. However we were still in a residential area, so we had to be cautious I warned Raph as we approached the same window we had smashed the first time. It was around the back on a high ledge and the window was _still _broken! He hadn't fixed it or boarded it up. Another shiver ran over me and I could tell Raph felt it too. All those nightmares Donnie had been suffering, he had been dreaming that he was still trapped in this place. A part of my baby brother was still here, left behind at the mercy of this man. Donnie had said that he had still felt lost and I had made a promised that we would come and find him. A strange feeling suddenly over took me. Although Donnie was safely tucked up in bed at the lair, I was sure we were still going to find a part of him here? "What kind of person would just leave a window broken in a neighbourhood like this?" I heard Raph say as he reached in unclasping the lock. "Someone who has nothing to fear." I replied. This was not feeling right at all. "Well let's give him something to fear." Raph sneered. "No Raph we are not to engage remember. And besides, he is clearly not here." "It's almost midnight. He could be in bed which means we can have a look around and maybe find something too nail this scumbag with?" I looked at him. I hated that look from Raph. Determined. "Come on Leo. Give me something to do other than beating this scum in his be – d….?" we both stopped. What was that? "Did you hear that?" Raph whispered. I shhh him. It couldn't be? No. Please. He wouldn't….oh my god! I screamed to myself as we heard it again. A cry for help. I child crying for help was coming from inside the darkness of the house. He had done it again. This man had abducted another kid from the street and was doing god knows what to them. I felt sick as I heard the child whimper. "Is someone there? Please help me! Please help me before he comes back" they said. Raph growled and started climbing up through the window. "_Raph"_ I reached for him but he slapped my hand away. "There's someone in there. Probably in the basement. We can't leave them!" No. No we couldn't. Quietly we slipped in, weapons drawn as we tiptoed out into the dark corridor. There was no sign of the man. There was no sign of anyone. As we sneaked out, we came by a tall arch way that led to a large wooden spiral stair case that went to the upper floor and another smaller set of stairs leading to the basement below us. "Help me." the little voice cried again. It _was_ a child. Me and Raph exchanged a look of disgust. This man really was the lowest of the low. Raph wasted no time running down, throwing his entire body weight against the door only for him to land forward onto the cold stone floor. The door wasn't locked. "Leo!" Raph said in horror as I reached his side, helping him to his feet. "What the hell is this?!" we both got up and looked around. We couldn't believe what we were seeing. _No _imprisoned child. The filthy brick room was empty accept now there was drawings pinned up all over the walls. Endless of black chalk drawing decorated every inch of the room. We could see the detail of each image clearly as lit candles were placed all around the floor, lighting up the room in a stifling eerily glow. I slowly made my way over to one of the pictures. A deep black scribble drawing of….what the hell was that? A…_demon _of some kind? A gruesome monster, straight out of the things only seen in nightmares was leaning forward as though it was about to leap off the paper. Its eyes piercing and very realistic. I noticed in the drawing, in his claws the devil like creature held someone in his grasp. I small character I knew. He was screaming up at the monster as it looked like the beast was about to devour him. The only other colour in the drawing was _red._ As in blood. My brother's image was covered in blood, crying in terror as the demon forced himself upon him. The other drawings were all the same idea, of Donatello and this demon figure frozen in time, just moments before it killed him. This had to be the sickest thing I had ever seen in my life. I suddenly jumped as I heard Raph scream in a violent rage as he started to tare the drawings down from the wall. Seeing images of his little brother been raped and murdered by the same disgusting monster over and over again was a torment neither of us could bare to look at. But despite my horror of seeing the room where my brother was subjected to the worse things imaginable, it was quickly over shadowed by something else….. "Raph." A whisper was all I could manage in fear of vomiting. "This is a set up." and just like that, Raph stopped his war path and looked at me, suddenly mirroring my horror. The realisation hitting us both as all the candles in the room suddenly went out, leaving us in pitch darkness and the sound of the basement door locking behind us.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter eleven: Choice

Donnie POV

It was complete darkness and the room was ice cold. So cold that I was shivering so violently that my blood had turned to ice in my veins and I couldn't breathe. I already knew where I was. The same place where I was every night. I was back in that basement, chained to the floor. My breathing hitched. Why oh why couldn't this nightmare end? What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really so messed….up…? Suddenly the door flew open, flooding the room in light and the chains magically dropped off my wrists and ankles. I was free! I could leave. Outside the door was….the lair? Now I _knew _I was dreaming. I just jumped up and headed straight for the door. I had to get out of here. But just as I was about to step over the thresh hold and return home I heard _him_ behind me. I froze in place but I didn't turn around. I didn't want to see him. I could never face this man ever again…. The sound of the sinister classical piano music playing in the background. "You can go Donatello. I release you." He said darkly. "However your brother's will remain here in your place." _What? _What the hell? I whipped around so quickly that I was sure that if this wasn't a dream, I would have gotten whiplash. NO! no no no no! My brothers were here. Leo was chained to the water pipes to my left. Raph was hanging from the ceiling to my right, while Mikey was taking my place, hands bonded to the floor. All of them blooded and cut as there blood pooled out on to the ground. Candles all around them and….drawings? Black chalk drawings all around the wall...? "Do you still think this is a dream Donatello?" He mocked me. "It _is _a dream. A crazy screwed up nightmare most likely caused by distress and anxiety…." "Still trying to rationalise everything. It's the oldest argument in the world, science vs religion, but I know you believe in that world Donatello. I've been peaking in your head. I know everything about you. Your father raised you in a world where your scientific mind is constantly challenged." "What are you?" "You have seen me. You know what I am. You have always known. You just didn't want to believe it." "You must be…._You're an alien!" _He laughed. "Think more along the lines of Demonology and old prophecy. But what I am isn't really the issue right now is it? Not when your brothers lives hang in the balance." Oh god! Please don't let this be! Not my brothers…..Then he appeared to me. Brushing the black hair away from his evil piercing green eyes looking me over with the same lust he always had. "Why?" I said. He just smirked at me and my anger blew up. "_WHY?"_ I screamed and charged him. "Why was it you Donatello?" He understood. "There is no why. No reason. No justice. No divine intervention. There's just me and you. It's that moment you know and accept that this is it. That this is really happening and nothing can save you. I chose _you _and now it is only you who can free me from this primitive dimension." His hands locked around my neck, raising me off the floor. It wasn't about the sex Donatello. That was just what I wanted and a sure way to break you. You can't stop me. I die without a willing sacrifice and I will just come back taking some other poor soul. Willingly die for me and I can return home and your brothers will be spared. I don't want them. I want you. It will always be you." Without releasing me, he smashed me against the wall. "Who are you?" I gasped. The man's appearance changed. Materialised into something else….No! You couldn't be? _What_ in god's name are you? "Why don't you come and find out?" and just like that he released me and I woke up.

…

Mikey POV

When Donnie had first gone missing, I had never felt such an over whelm of total and complete panic. It was worse than someone telling me that every pizza take away in New York was shutting down and never reopening. Or every one of my comic books were been taken away to be destroyed and never to be replaced. And…..it was all my fault. Donnie had only left because he was mad at me, well, all of us really. I knew he was busy in the lab. He had been busy, busy and busy some more in the lab all month and I…._missed_ him. I know what he was doing was important. But Donnie has this complex about not been able to fight as well as Raph or Leo. But I know how that feels. Me and Don are called the _A2_ team for pity sake! So instead he goes crazy building stuff, like so he can remind us that he still useful to the family. Like he needs to do that? Donnie is Donnie and he is Awesome just been Donnie. But I was mad at him. I wanted him to spend time with me but he wouldn't. He never took time to chillax anymore, so…I wanted to make him mad instead. I broke the toaster….again, but this time on purpose and shoved it on his desk and asked him to fix it right at the time I knew he was in a majorly delicate stage of his experiment. I just wanted him to talk to me. Even yelling was better than nothing. Either Raph and Leo had had the same idea as I did or I just have _really _sucky timing. 10 seconds behind me Raph was pushing his bust bike through the lab doors, then 5 minutes later Leo was complaining about, I don't know, something to do with the battle shell. No wonder Donnie lost it. I hadn't planned that to happen. Really I didn't. It was so stupid and it cost Donnie 12 days of been locked away in hell! I never even got to say that I was sorry…..now Donnie has to live with what this man did to him for the rest of his life…..I am so selfish but I promised myself I would spend every day from now on making it up to him. I can't ever lose him again. I can't imagine him disappearing again. So when I suddenly felt Donnie scream in terror and jumped out from the bed next to me and start running down the hallway like the place was on fire, I completely freaked out along with him. What the heck was going on now? "Donnie what's wrong dude?" I yelled after him but he was too busy checking Leo and Raph's bedrooms. "Where are they?" He yelled before running down the stairs to check the TV room. But Raph or Leo wasn't there either. Donnie was so completely frantic by this point that it scared me. So I grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to stop and look at me. The look on his face. I have never seen Don so frightened. It made him look so much younger. "Donnie its ok. It was just another nightmare." "NO Mikey it's not ok. I have been so stupid! How could I not see it? I knew there was more to him – I mean I saw him and I knew he wasn't normal…now he has Raph and Leo….wait! You're here? But I saw him, he had you too. I don't understand what's going on…?" Donnie was shaking so violently that I knew he was going to collapse before he did. I helped him gently to the floor as his knees buckled. "What do you mean he has Leo and Raph? Donnie you're just having another panic attack. That man isn't here. We are all safe." "Where are our brothers Mikey? There not safe. They are with him. He wants me and he's taken them to get to me….he'll take you too. _Sensei!"_ Donnie was suddenly up sprinting to Master Splinter's room realising that his light was still on. It was after 2am and Master was still up, which meant that Leo and Raph must be top side….What would they be doing out at this time?"

….

Splinter POV

The undesirable churning in my gut told me that something was wrong. I had been following Raphael and Leonardo's auras from the moment they left. I don't know why I worried so, it was not as though I was sending them off into battle to face the Shredder? Only to watch a human. A disgusting and disturbing human. One I wouldn't mind teaching a lesson in painful punishment….maybe more. But a human none the less. Still an uneasy feeling swept over me as I watch the bright blue, calm and soothing light of my eldest and the passionate red hot burning of my second, when suddenly – both lights went out!

I gasped as our connection was suddenly severed and they both plummeted into darkness. What had happened to my sons? It was at that moment I heard the frantic yells of my middle son cries of distress burst into the next room quickly been followed by my youngest trying to sooth him. My poor Donatello had had yet another nightmare. I should go to console him but I needed to find out what had happened to my other sons….? Were they in danger? Wait! What was Donatello shouting about? "_Where are our brothers Mikey? There not safe. They are with him. He wants me and he's taken them to get to me….he'll take you too. Sensei!" _I leapt to my feet but Donatello was already coming through my door. "Did Leo and Raph go after that man who took me?" The panic in his voice, the pleading in his eyes, I almost didn't want to tell him. "Only to observe my son. There is no need for alarm. We must be sure that you and the world is safe from predators such as him." "No. No sensei you don't understand. He…he isn't….human. I know what he is." He shivered. I looked to Michelangelo for an explanation but he was as lost for words as I was. I quickly took Donatello to the mat to sit down. "Please be calm my son and explain to me what worries you." As I said this a gently rubbed circles into the back of his neck. He was shaking too much for any kind of rational thought. Michelangelo joining us with an equal look of distress on his face. I had never known him to be so quiet. After 5 minutes of massaging, Donatello's breathing subsided. "While I was his prisoner, I…I saw that, only he wasn't, he changed into something else. But it was only when….when I had given up… I wanted to die. Forgive me father but I wanted him to just stop and that's when he changed. That was his objective the entire time. But when it came to it, I wouldn't give in. I wouldn't let him take me like he had taken everything else. But I was under so much stress that I thought I was having some kind of hallucination or a nightmare. But I was wrong. He isn't even from this dimension, or even this world. Father he is from that place of shadow where all the condemned go after death. The human is just a cover. He is still with me in here. Watching me." He pointed to his temple. "I am not speaking emotionally, I mean _really,_ even when I am awake. I know that now. He has Leo and Raph. He will kill them unless I go to him. He says my willing death is the only way for him to return home. Father he didn't take me just to do….what he did….I was supposed to be a sacrifice. A broken defeated but willing sacrifice."

For a moment neither myself nor Michelangelo could speak. My son was not lying but I was hoping, praying even that my clever son was suffering from some kind of stress disorder, because that could be dealt with, with comfort and counselling, but….what if he wasn't? My two sons had suddenly just disappeared and the dark aura that had been surrounding Donatello I knew had been so much more. I had always raised my sons to believe that there was more in this world than just what they saw. I knew the spirit world existed, but what my son spoke of was going so much deeper than that and been the scientist, he had always been the one who had had most trouble accepting these ideas, at least until now. Although I didn't know what to think, I must follow my instincts and believe that my

son is right, at least until I can be sure. "Donnie…what are you…this really crazy talking dude!" Michelangelo meanwhile had turned a much paler shade of green. "Donatello are you saying that you believe that this man is from the underworld?" I had to clarify. He nodded, tears of terror already filling his eyes. I sigh. I had to tell them. "I can no longer sense Leonardo or Raphael." I confess to them and whatever blood was left instantly drained from both their faces. "We must locate them. Donatello if this ma – creature has imprinted himself onto you, we must break it. Meditate with me right now. I can protect you from him, but you must focus. Once I have broken this hold on you, we together will be able to go rescue your brothers." Donatello nodded and quickly crossed his legs, as did Michelangelo. The look on his face was a mixture of worry, fear and clinging on to a vain hope that this was all just some big mistake.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Twelve: Reveal

Raph POV

Didn't remember anything from the moment the lights went out. The last thing I remember was seeing those sick drawings of my little brother been mutilated by a devil creature. It made my blood boil. I can't believe this guy would be twisted enough to make a shrine to his sick fantasies. When master splinter had said Donnie had to face his demon, he wasn't kidding. Wait. Leo! Where was Leo? It was just then I heard a flicker of a switch and a bright light came on blinding me. White spots dancing in my eyes. At first all I saw was a green blur. It wasn't moving but I knew it was Leo opposite me. After blinking a few times, the room became clear once more, we were still in the basement. _The same room where Donnie had been kept. The same room he had been raped in. _Leo was sat up against the wall, his hands chained behind his shell to some old piping. Chains wrapped so tightly around his legs that I was sure they were cutting through his skin. His mask was stained as blood dripped from his forehead. "Leo." Fear ripped through me for him. It was only then I became aware of my own pain. I couldn't feel my arms as they had been pulled up over my head and my feet were bound together, dangling off the floor. The throbbing pain was across my eyes and the left side of my temple. Hot and sticky feeling running down my neck. We had never known what had hit us, but it had hit us fast. "Raph." I heard my brother whisper. Well at least we were both awake now. "Hello. We were never really introduced were we? Well I am sorry that I can't give you my name. Only my chosen sacrifice can hear that. " That voice instantly made me see red and fly into a rage. It was _him!_ The man who had raped my little brother and who was even now celebrating it with these images all around us. Leo just growled. "Don't feel like talking? Your brother always had a lot to say during his stay here. So much so I had to gag him. Of course I am looking forward to him coming back. He and I have unfinished business -"

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU HURT HIM - !" I screamed but he just slapped me so hard across the face that my teeth were ringing. "_God_ doesn't care. Of that I can promise you. He has left all you mortals trapped here on earth with the likes of me." He laughed. "Mortals? What the hell are you talking about?" Leo sneered.

"I am talking about me my dear boy. I was cast out of my home 2000 years ago along with many others of my kind, scattered around the world. I've been forgotten, left to fend for myself on this primitive plane. Born and then reborn into a different mortal body over and over again. Some of my brothers and sisters have been very famous in their mortal life time, known as the most evil people in history. _They _have all managed to get home." Me and Leo exchanged a look. This guy was not only evil. He was crazy too. Great. Just great. "Can you imagine been born again and again but with all the memories of the last life you had before that and the one before, knowing that no matter how hard you tried, you still had failed, still unable to get home. Thankfully the loyalty I have shown in this life has paid off. My master granted me most of my powers back. All I need now is for your brother to willingly sacrifice his life to me and my life will finally end and I can return to the….what do you mortals call it? Oh yes…._Hell_."

"You want to go to hell pal?" I sneered. "Well isn't that a coincidence. That is just where I want to sent you. Unchain me and give me back my sai and I will happily send you back there in many pieces."

"Nice try. I did that a lot in the earlier life times. No one ever lasted very long back then. But it must be a sacrifice of a pure but strong soul that has been broken. Or I will just be reborn again into another human body."

"Is that why you defiled him, just to break him?!" Leo struggled against his chains.

"Yes. Although I took more my pleasure in that than business." He smiled darkly. "I have learn over my many lives that is the best way to destroy someone from the inside out and make them yours.

"You're not getting anywhere near Donnie ever again you sick fucker!" I shouted. "Look I don't care what trip you are on or even why. You hurt my brotha! I am going to gut you."

"Oh but I am. He is coming for you. I already sent him a message of your impending doom." His tone mocking. "The same way I have been tormenting him since his escape and he is no longer writing me off as a stress disorder. But I am surprised at you." He pointed at Leo. "Even after all of what you have seen, well I guess I can show you what I am. It's not like you're going to be telling anybody"

…..

Splinter POV

Although Donatello was physically sitting right in front of me, when I closed my eyes and reached out for him mentally, I was instantly confronted by a black figure crouched over him. How could I have not sensed him before? "_Because I didn't want you to see me yet." _The figure said this so simply that I gasped in surprise. "Who are you? What do you want with my son?"

"_His life."_ Was all he said. "_Just one or the other three. That is his choice." _The same anger and blood rage rose up in me and my self-control quickly started to melt away. "Leave my son and release the others if you value your life!"

"_Mortal Life? Actually I don't. That's why I am doing this. There is no logic to me Spirit guide! You lead your life like a game of Chess, black vs white. Good vs evil. But I own this board and I can toss every other piece aside until it is just me and my little white pawn." _He leaned over closer to my son_. And I cannot allow 'you' to interfere any more spirit guide!" _

I didn't even get chance to open my eyes before he reached out for me and darkness over took me….."FATHER!" Was the last thing I heard Donatello shout. _I am sorry my son. I have failed you._

…..

Donnie POV

It all happened so fast, we could not have been meditating more than a minute before I felt the same presence come up behind me. I was frozen but I knew father was there this time. I wanted to reach out for him, sever this connection over us but it was too late. I watched as he came around us, bleeding like black ink…..I felt sensei for only another moment and then he disappeared. "FATHER!" I screamed and opened my eyes only to see sensei for real laying out on the mat. He wasn't moving.

"SENSEI!" Mikey jumped up and ran to his side. "He's cold. He's cold Donnie!"

…

"Donnie what the hell is going on? What has happened to Sensei? Why won't he wake up? Where is Leo and Raph?" "Mikey you must take me to that house where you rescued me from"

"What?! Don are you crazy? He's after you…you can't let him take you again." "I have no intention on letting him, but he has Raph and Leo and now he has Sensei. At least his mind. If I don't go they will all die. Please Mikey there is no more time to explain. We have to go now."

"But Don." Mikey finished placing a pillow under Sensei's head and a blanket over his body. "When we tracked you it was to a place over the bridge in Brooklyn. That means Raph and Leo must have taken the van. How are we supposed to get there, call a cab?"

"Brooklyn! How the hell did he get me all the way to Brooklyn - never mind. Will have to take the carts."

"On the open bridge? But there only for short fast travel. Can they even make it that far?" Mikey grabbed his weapons, shoving them in his belt. "They have to. They should at least get us there and hopefully we should come across the van to get back…." I stopped as it all just suddenly hit me like an iron bat in my face and my heart had suddenly stopped beating. All the strongest members of the group were gone. Me and Mikey were on our own. I couldn't, I couldn't lose Mikey too…. Not only was I going outside, I was going back to where that man had hurt me. Tortured me. Raped me and now he wanted me to die for him instead of my brothers. I had to catch myself. My hands finding my knees as I started to hyperventilate. I felt Mikey's hands on my shell. "It's ok Donnie I am not going to let him hurt you. I'll kill him before I let him hurt you again." His arms pulling me up into a hug. I didn't like hearing Mikey talk about killing someone for me. I didn't like any of them saying that but particularly not my baby brother. None of them would ever have blood on their hands because of me. I returned the hug. "I love you Mikey. Always remember that won't you." "I love you too Donnie. You could repeatedly whack me over the head and I wouldn't forget that. " I chuckled. Even at the worse times Mikey could still make me laugh. I hope we have moments like this again. The next moment that passed was silence. It stretched out for a mile between us, both of us shaking. Mikey was shaking because he was afraid that he would lose one of us tonight. Me. I was shaking because I knew his fears were warranted. I didn't say it to him but I knew what this man was, it really would be a miracle if we _all_ walked away from this, especially me. "Let's go to the lab first. Will be needing some things." I said and quickly steered him to my metal doors. "What do we need?" I wiped the tears away from his eyes. "Just some things I wish I had had the first time I was there."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Thirteen: Assault

Leo POV

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think….what was he? What was all this? Sensei had always talked about life after death. Another world, alternative dimensions. Our meditation sessions would allow us a window to view some of these _other _places. But not a door. Never a door. Sometimes those wall separating us would break and paths that were never meant to cross would. This was one of those times. This monster…this demon from hell was going to kill my brother. I couldn't let this happen. "Whatever you're going to do, do it to me" I said to the monstrosity standing in between us. "Leo!" Raph snapped but I could tell he was having trouble focusing. There were a lot of things we had all been through, but no matter what had happened, or how bad things had ever got, they had never been attacked on such a personal level like this. "I am the leader. I protect my brothers. You need a sacrifice, then take me and let Raph go and leave Donnie alone." I flinched as the demon man was suddenly on all fours, up close in my face. His black eyes chilled me to my very core. "You would be willing to exchange places with your brother, even if it means me doing to you what I did to him?" I nodded as I felt his hand crawling slowly up my thigh. I shivered in disgust. Quickly turning my face away as I felt his tong against my neck. How had Donnie manage to cope with this? He hadn't even done anything to me yet and I was already freaking out. He really _was _from hell! His touch burned me. As his claws dug into the side of my leg I felt the vomit forcing its way up my throat. From the corner of my eye, I could see Raph looking us over in complete horror. "Get your ugly face off my brother!" He sneered in such a dangerous voice. The Demon looked around at him and smiled. "Don't worry I don't want him. I just wanted to see how far you were willing to go?" He looked back at me before moving away. "I do believe we have company coming." Me and Raph both snapped our heads up. No. Donnie couldn't be coming. Sensei would never let him….."Don't worry. As a personal favour from me to Donatello, I promise to make it quick and relatively painless…..At least when I have had one more night with him." He then strolled back out the room slamming the door behind him. At those last words both me and Raph seemed to completely lose all self-control, screaming abuse at him as the lights went out and we were once again plummeted back into darkness.

…

Donnie POV

I didn't remember the house. I had never been awake coming or leaving it, but it wasn't at all what I was expecting. It looked like it had been a nice place in its day. The entire street looked like it had once been a nice safe place to live. No one would have ever have thought that a man could grow up to be a devil in a buttoned down shirt living here. I guess you never really knew who you were living next door too. When you were fighting villains like the Shredder, you knew you were fighting a villain. Everything about the Shredder screamed big and bad, but this man….you could pass him in the street and you would never know. Did that make him worse or not as bad?

We found the van parked around the back. Our brother's weapons inside but there was no sign of Leo or Raph. Any last hope I had about just been completely crazy vanished. This was really happening. I just hoped this worked long enough to get my brothers out of there and free Sensei. The demons word repeated in my head. I knew what I had to do, I was just afraid to do it. Mikey was my only hope and I trusted him with my life. "That's so completely wacked! He left the same window open." I heard Mikey say as we sneaked through the backyard towards the house. "No it's not Mikey. He's expecting us." Well I guess there was no more stalling, _it was time to face my demon._

…..

Although it was completely dark, I could see there was really no furniture and the wallpaper was peeling off the walls. This place had not had any attention in years and it was pretty big, he could be hiding anywhere….but there was light. Dozens upon dozens candles burning on shelves and bare wooden floor boards and there was a burning fire going in a large Victorian style fireplace with long cream drape curtain hung up. Geeze. All this scene needed was some creepy toy pot dollies on display and the horror movie set would be complete. I drew up close to Mikey and he held my arm as though I was about to be dragged off. Suddenly loud music rang out and my blood went cold. It was the same creepy classical music he always played. I pulled out my staff and Mikey as did his numchucks….."Donnie…." Was all that was said when the light fitting above us exploded and sparks shot down from above us. _RUN!_

We both bolted into the corridor when I heard Mikey cry out behind me. When I turned around to grab his hand…..he was gone! "MIKEY!" screaming over the music. Other voices suddenly shouting out all around me. That was Raph and Leo screaming at me to get out! Where was Mikey? I couldn't think. I just ran in the first direction my legs wanted to go.

…

Mikey POV

I don't know what happened. One second me and Donnie were running into the other room, the next I was looking at the floor. It was moving by very fast. Then I was going down some stone steps. Light suddenly blinded me and I was tossed, like a big sack of potatoes onto a hard mat. I grunted. I can hear Leo and Raph shouting at either side of me, but I can't understand what they are saying. Wow Donnie told me this would happen….? Is he psychic like Leo now? Why am I so dizzy? Where were my weapons? I looked up as I suddenly felt my hands been roughly pulled forward and forced together. It was him! That man who hurt my brother was chaining me up in the middle of the room. I was kneeling up, looking straight into his black eyes as he finished wrapping the chains around my wrist securing them to one of the hooks on the floor. "You're the only other one I would have considered taking your brothers place you little animal." He sneered. _Who the hell was he calling an animal_? I know this was a low move but I couldn't help it, I was so angry. Without thinking I leaned forward and bit him as hard as I could on his shoulder. He gasped in surprise as I sank my teeth into him, blood filling my mouth. Gross! So I let him go, and head butted him instead_. "Mikeeeeyyyyy."_ I heard Raph say. He sounded a mixture of shocked and impressed. The man fell back, blood dripping from his nose….only….the blood was _black. _"That was for my brother you jerk!" I spat his blood in his face. His eyes narrowed at me. "I was going to let you go after, but I think I will just leave you all here to rot now. No one is coming to save you." He got to his feet wiping the black away from his nose. "Now if you excuse me, I believe my little toy is waiting for me." "NO. Leave him alone." My brothers screamed. He slammed the door, but this time leaving the light on. I waited until I couldn't hear his footsteps. It was on. "How could you let Donnie come back here Mikey? He's a monster. He's going to kill him." I looked around at Raph hung up at the wall like he was a sack of meat about to be gutted. "As usual you two underestimates Donnie. He knew this would happen, so we came prepared." "What do you mean?" Leo at my other side sitting on the floor chained to the pipes, just like Donnie had said. I laid down on my side so I could get my bonded hands into the little pocket in my belt. "Come on." I said frustrated. "Mikey what's going on? Where is Splinter? Does Don have a plan?" "Something is wrong with sensei. That man, whatever he is, did something to him, and yes Don has a plan. When does Donnie not ever have a plan? But we have to hurry….here we go." Finally I reached and pulled out the tiny silver lock pick Donnie had given me. "Mikey that's great. Hurry up. We need to get out of here." Leo beamed at me.

It couldn't have been more than five minutes that had passed when Raph looked up. "Hay do you guys smell that?" He said. "Is that…smoke?"


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Fourteen: Face my Demon

Donnie POV

This was a very bad idea. I just hope Mikey can get the others out in time? It was so dark, I didn't know where in the house I was. Oh wait…it was a derelict kitchen. A rusty oven stood in the corner and a large wooden table in the centre. That could work. I ran to the side of the oven. _Please be gas. _I begged.

"Come on out my little bitch!" I heard him calling outside the door. I kneeled down, hiding myself in the dark corner, frozen in terror. "I know this house my little bitch. There's nowhere to hide." His tone calm but mocking and it sent shivers down my spine and vile up my throat. I quickly pushed the old tin oven away from the wall to check the pipe. Yes! Gas. Just undo it a little, give yourself enough time to - but before I could, hands grabbed me at the back of my neck, picking me up and throwing me across onto the table, as though I weighed nothing. My bow flow across the room, hitting the wall with a loud clatter. Then he was on top of me, pinning my wrists at the side of my head. "Hello Donny? I have missed you so much." His face was the one from my nightmares, only this was worse. His eyes were completely black. I gasped as he started to grind himself against me. No. Not again. "I HATE YOU." I screamed but he just smiled darkly. "You're smart so I think you know what is going to happen. Don't make this hard on yourself. The ritual must be exact for it to work. Everything is ready in the other room." He pulled me up, punching me across the face before he started dragging me out of the kitchen. It didn't matter if I struggled. He was still too strong, but hell If I wasn't even going to try….As we entered the room filled with candles, I then noticed the long dagger next to the fire place. _Oh hell no_. I tried to jump up and started pushing back against him as he pinned me to the floor. "I love watching you squirm." He locked his fingers around my throat choking me, not enough to kill me but enough to hold me still. "Allow me to formally introduce myself Donatello." He sneered and just like that, his pale skin turned into a dark shade of muddy red. His black eyes were like that of a cat, with the green becoming present again. His ears grow to a point as his black hair started to fall out of his scalp. His strong hands became claws. His tongue black, hissing through sharp grey teeth as he smirked down at the look on my face. My breathing hitched. "Don't bother screaming for me, I have other plans for that mouth." He chuckled. "But first to business. My name is _**Incubus**_ and you must willingly die for me so I can return to the hell I came from. If you do not submit, I will just kill your brothers and father as punishment. I promised to make your death swift before destroying the human body I possess. But if I die without a sacrifice, I shall be born again into another human body. A baby is born every minute. Who knows Don, maybe we shall meet again in another 20 years. Or maybe I will take another poor young human soul to sacrifice in your place. But that is your choice?" He held the dagger over me but I reached for his wrist trying to get it from him. "Do not give up my son. You are stronger than he is. There is another way." Father's voice was suddenly in my head. Or _was_ he in my head because he seem to hear him too? "Shut up spirit guide!" he yelled out but that had given me the opportunity I had been waiting for. I punched him, throwing him off of me. We rolled around the floor struggling for the dagger, knocking over the candles as we went. Before I knew it flames were traveling up the curtains and smoke was filling the room. "Fine. I submit." I said to him. I was finally on top of him, the blade cutting into my fingers. "It's time you went home and never came back….but tell me something first. As your chosen sacrifice, what would happen if I killed you first and then I died? Would that make a difference to your ritual? Would you go back to Hell or would you just fade into the nothing that you are?" I must have struck a nerve because his smile faded. The smoke had already filled the room so much that my eyes were burning. "You're not a killer Donatello. I been inside your head. You can't take a life." My eyes narrowed. It was getting difficult to breathe. "You may have been in my head, but you don't know me anymore. I am not the same turtle you raped. He is gone. You have already killed him." The fire was all around us now. We were trapped. The music had stopped. Instead I could hear voices calling to me. But they were too far away and I could no longer see or feel anything else, only the blade as I pushed it through his skin and deep into his heart, or at least where a heart should be. His eyes wide as they poured into me. "No. I will hunt you." He gasped and I felt his fingers around my throat start to burn hot. Was it the fire around us or was it him? I choked as his eyes glazed over and he released me….his body turning black and his fingers turning to ash. This would be the last time I was overcome with that foul smell of him. The dagger hit the floor. He was dead and I knew I was too as the smoke now consumed me. "Forgive me brothers but it is the only way."

…..

Raph POV

It took too long for Mikey to free himself. By the time me and Leo was free smoke was coming up from under the door. "_DONNIE"_ Mikey through himself against it while Leo tried to pick the lock. "Bloody hell! Will you two just get out of the way?" I ordered getting the last of my chains off me. Before they even moved away, I punched the wood so hard that my fist went right through the other side and pain shot through my arm like a bitch. My knuckles bleeding, but I didn't care. The building was on fire. We had to find Don! As I stumbled away, Leo continued punching with the door but turned away from it, crashing into it with his shell. _Yeah I should have thought of that first._ Before long the hole was big enough for us all to get through. As we got back up the cellar stairs, the entire floor above us in the corridor was burning. The smoke blinding us. "Donnie" we all shouted. There was no answer. "Raph, Mikey get the hell out of here!" He pointed to the front door. I was just about to say "Like hell" when the roof above us suddenly half collapsed. Mikey and Leo fell backwards as a ton of bricks and wood plummeted down, missing them by inches. Meanwhile I fell against the door where we had come in and there was Don, face down by the fire place, the flames surrounding him. "I found Don." I called to Leo. The flames pushing us apart. "Meet us around the back." I shouted. Leo grunted but he nodded as he started pushing a reluctant Mikey back up the corridor towards the front of the house while I charged into the room to get Donnie. There was no sign of the demon anywhere.

….

Mikey POV

Me and Leo were practically blown out the front window, landing on the porch as the flames consumed every last inch of the house behind us. We could already hear the sound of fire engines far down the street. "Come on Mikey." Leo started pulling me by the arm and we quickly headed back around the house to the small over grown garden, but there was no sign of Raph or Don when we got there. "Where are they?" I shouted as the bright orange flames engulfed the windows. The glass shattering from the heat. Leo tried to rush over but the force of the heat pushed him back, when suddenly there was a crash and fire exploded through the windows and two figures came flying out, landing on the grass in a duck and role. Raph quickly stood up holding Donnie in his arms, bridal style, running as fast as he could away from the flames. I almost cried with joy as they joined us, but that joy disappeared as fast as the burning house did as I watch my big brothers quickly lowered Donnie to the ground, checking him for a pulse. Leo shaking his head was like someone hitting me with a hammer. Raph quickly moved away as his hands and arms were burned. "No. No he can't be?!" I shouted kneeling beside him. Leo wasted no time lifting up Donnie's chin and pinching his nostrils before laying his face over his. Donnie's chest rose and fell, but he didn't stir. "No Donnie don't do this!" I screamed. "Come on Donnie, come back." As Leo continued. Still nothing. Oh hell no. I moved over to Leo's other side, laying my hands over Donnie's chest. Donnie had _forced_ us to learn CPR, but he had always stressed that the compressions would be difficult what with our shells in the way. But I had to try. As Leo moved away I quickly started the compressions. "Come on Donny. Come back. Come back." Leo picking up my ranting from where I left off. Raph just sat by Don's head not making a sound. I think he was just holding his breath. "I know _he _said you had to die Don, but you don't. Please don't. Please…..but I stopped the compressions. No. No. No.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fifteen: Spirit Guide

Donnie POV

I had always wondered what would it be like to die. Would it hurt? Would it be slow or quick? Would I see that white light everyone talked about? The faith my father had raised me in me gave me comfort, but the scientist in me didn't think so, but I had just been fighting something that came from the afterlife. If that wasn't proof that there was something after this, I didn't know what else could be? I just wish it wasn't now. Not like this. Not without knowing that my brothers had made it out or not. I found myself standing in a small round space flooded with light in the centre of a dark room. Although it was dark outside my space, for the first time I wasn't scared. There was people around me filling the room. I couldn't see them, but I didn't feel threatened, in fact I felt safe. Who were they? I didn't have to wonder long as one stepped forward into the round space I stood in. It was Sensei. "Father." I reached for him. He hugged me with such conviction that I was sure he was never going to let me go. "I am so proud of you my son." He said. I pulled away. I couldn't smile, not even at his words. "Father, are we dead? Are my brothers dead too?

"No. They made it out and they took you with them. But they cannot get you breathing, so here you are in between heart beats. I wanted to make sure that if you were to…..move on, I would be there with you until you were ready to step out of this circle and into the room with the others."

"Who are they?" I asked looking around me. I still couldn't see them, but I knew they were smiling, waiting for me. "That, I am afraid you cannot know until you are ready to join them." He smiled. "But believe me, if you are, you will be safe with them until we are all together again.

"Are you not dead father?" I asked with hope, "No. The traitor recognised something about me even _I _did not know. That I am a spirit guide. But I will only be one after my mortal life is over. However even though I am still a live, I can, visit, should we say. So I will be ready for my next purpose, when it is time." He smiled again. "But this brings me back to you Donatello. This was not your time but you made the choice to sacrifice yourself to save others. For this, they are willing to give you another chance my son to come home. But it is your choice, as it has always been." I looked around the room again. The light would only come if I stepped out and all that pain and fear and suffering would be over. I must confess for a moment it was tempting…...

…

Mikey POV

Only seconds had passed but it felt like a life time. This couldn't be happening. Was Donnie really dead? After everything, had the demon really won? Everything just seemed to become a complete blur. I was hardly a where of Leo sobbing as he buried his face in Donnie's chest. I was barely a where of Raph slamming his already injured fist on the ground in inconsolable rage. I wasn't even vaguely interested in the sirens that was now just around the other side of the house….but then I _was_ a little interested in what I thought I saw was _movement _from Donnie's hand. Then I remembered the other thing Donnie had given me before we set off from the lair. I had asked him why would we ever need this? He had just said, just in case. Without thinking I pulled the needle out of my belt pocket and shoved it in Leo's hand. "Adrenalin." I answered his question before he asked it. For a moment they looked unsure, but we all moved back as Leo positioned the needle above Donnie's heart. It was his last chance. It had to work. It had too. Come on Donnie." I yelled. "You can't leave us." Leo slammed it into him pushing the fluid into his chest and pulling it out again. The result was almost instant. Donnie gasped. "Donny!" We all shouted and the happiness wept over us like a wave. "Sensei?" was all he said. "Lets get the hell out of here." Leo suddenly remembering we were out in the open and piled back into the van, been as gentle as we could with Donnie.

….

Raph POV

3 days later Leo, Mikey and me were bringing a large plate of potato chips and drinks into Donnie's room ready for the movie night. Donnie wasn't ready for any horror movies just yet. Heck none of us were, so we settled for a comedy. Sensei wasn't allowing Donnie out of bed just yet and neither were we until he had gained at least another 10 pounds in weight. Now we really did have our work cut out for us. When we had first got Donnie home, I was relieved to find Sensei awake even though Mikey had said he had collapsed. Strangely Sensei seemed to know everything that had happened between Donnie and the Demon. We decided it would be better if we just went with this explanation and took Donnie into the infirmary. Everything had to be ok now, I mean at least ok as Donnie could get. It was going to take time. A long time but at least he knew we would be there for him.

…

Leo POV

As we all sat on Donnie's bed, I still couldn't help watching him from the corner of my eye. He was a live, but still there was still something off. After what he had been through, I could understand that but there was something still bothering him. "Don." I decided that if there was at least one irritating worm left in this can, it was time to shake it out and get rid of it once and for all. Only then could my brother really start to heal. "What's still bothering you?" He flinched at my question. He tried to hide it, but even Mikey noticed. "You better not be feeling bad about killing him!" Raph nudged him kindly. Donnie shook his head. "I did what I had to, I mean I am not thrilled over it. I'll never forget it, but am not sorry, it's just….." "What? What Donnie?" we had to know. "He said he needed a willing sacrifice to complete the ritual before he could….go back, or else he would just be born again. I didn't die in the end so what if it didn't work? What if in another 20 years or so and he comes back?" "Ok. Number one. You said you messed up the ritual by killing him and then dying. Technically Donnie you were dead for 2 whole minutes. Either way contract completed. Wham, bam, thank you mam! He never said how long you had to be dead for?" Mikey clapped his hands.

"Number two, he either crawled back under that rock were he came from or because you messed up the ritual, he's only living in oblivion. No more than what he deserves." Raph nodded in absolute.

"And number three '_if'_ he does ever come back for you, we will be waiting and next time he isn't getting a chance. Sensei is our guardian angel after all. He'll give us the heads up if anything _demonic _heads our way." I finished with a warm smile and to our relief Donnie returned it. "I really am the luckiest to have brothers like you." He said looking down at the blanket. We all wrapped our arms around him. "You're worth it." Mikey muttered happily. "Yep I guess I don't mind having you around either." Raph chuckled. "It's all going to be ok Donnie. No matter what we will be here for you." I finished the conversation and I knew that we had for filled our promise at bringing him home.

The end


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